Here's What It Would Look Like If Every NFL Team Was A Cologne (Photos)

Shopping for a new cologne can be as overwhelming as meeting your SO's parents for the first time.

First off, you have dozens of pushy, overzealous sales people spraying sh*t in your face, which leaves you nauseous and woozy from the jump.

Then, once you finally get the proper level of oxygen back in your brain, you have to navigate your way through a litany of cryptic fragrance names that tell you absolutely nothing about how you're actually going to smell.

Whether you realize it or not, watching the NFL is a lot like shopping for cologne.

Think about it.

Some teams played like Super Bowl contenders in Week 3, but now they look like they'd get clowned on by Clemson. And vice versa, teams we thought were dead in the water after a slow start now appear ready for a parade come February.

Sometimes, things just aren't as they seem.

How is a fragrance that's named after a number supposed to tell me anything about anything? And how am I supposed to interpret Green Bay's playoff chances after they lose four out of five games and then beat Detroit on a ridiculous Hail Mary?

We decided to combine the unpredictability of pro football with the ambiguity of fragrances, and here's what it would look like if all 32 NFL teams were colognes.

Belichic, by the New England Patriots

Envy, by the New York Jets

Frozen Hope, by the Buffalo Bills

Fish Out Of Water, by the Miami Dolphins

Wild Card, by the Cincinnati Bengals

Perennial, by the Pittsburgh Steelers

Defense, by the Baltimore Ravens

Leaderless, by the Cleveland Browns

Mile High Musk, by the Denver Broncos

Crooked Arrow, by the Kansas City Chiefs

Fade To Black, by the Oakland Raiders

Low Wattage, by the San Diego Chargers

Lucky, by the Indianapolis Colts

Growing Pains, by the Houston Texans

Muted Roar, by the Jacksonville Jaguars

Remember, by the Tennessee Titans

Cameo, by the Carolina Panthers

Melted Ice, by the Atlanta Falcons

Bayou Brees, by the New Orleans Saints

Norse Code, by the Minnesota Vikings

Cheddar, by the Green Bay Packers

Windfall, by the Chicago Bears

Pride Before The Fall, by the Detroit Lions

Capital Crisis, by the Washington Redskins

Elite, by the New York Giants

Turbulence, by the Philadelphia Eagles

Boisterous, by the Dallas Cowboys

Palm Paradise, by the Arizona Cardinals

No. 12, by the Seattle Seahawks

Gurley Man, by the St. Louis Rams

Gold Rush, by the San Francisco 49ers