10 Dumb Things All Guys Do When A Crush Comes To Their Basketball Game
I don't care who you are, you're not immune to the rule.
What rule? This rule: If you're playing basketball, and that girl comes to watch you play one day, you're going to play differently.
That's just the way it is. You add some flare, switch up your demeanor and add a little extra to each move; ultimately, you end up doing too much.
And what exactly is too much? I'm glad you asked.
Here are the 10 dumbest thing all guys do on the court when a special someone is in attendance.
You will very obviously try to make a defender fall.
What? You think that girl is gonna be in attendance and we'll all just be responsible, run the offense, set screens and play good team ball?
No, no, no. You've GOT to get that highlight moment, and what better way to do it than by over-dribbling like crazy and very deliberately trying to make your defender fall while the rest of your teammates are waiting for you to pass the rock?
You will make a scapegoat out of a teammate and yell at him.
This is one of the more sinister tactics featured on this list, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
You pick out the teammate you know is least likely to clap back in an argument, tell him how he needs to do a better job getting in good rebound position to catch your air ball and chew him out in front of everybody.
Not only did you assert your authority as the man in charge, but you successfully distracted everyone else from how terribly you just did. Or, at least, you tried.
You'll try that dunk you know you can't pull off.
She might not understand how impressive it was you made the key pass that led to the assist. She might not even notice how impressive it was you perfectly ran around two screens to free yourself for a good, solid jump shot.
But she gonna notice that dunk. Everybody notices the dunk. Now's the perfect time to go for it. There's just one problem: You know damn well you can't land a dunk.
You will definitely come to the game looking unnecessarily fresh.
This is your moment! You gots to look good. It doesn't matter you will sweat out your nicest clothes once it's time to leave the gym after a super tiring game.
It doesn't matter they'll probably get wrinkled in your locker, or that the most comfortable pre-game attire usually includes a pair of sweatpants.
Nah, she's gotta see you looking good, on the court and off.
You won't make eye contact when you ride the bench for a whole quarter.
This is a very humbling time for you. She can't see you during your humble times. At the very least, she can't know you know she sees you during your humbling times.
Don't laugh, lest you look like you enjoy being a loser. Don't start yelling at anyone lest you look like a phony shot-caller. You just gotta take this hopefully minor setback with a straight face.
Don't make any eye contact, and act like you hear no one but your coach. That is, act that way when your coach finally calls you back into the game next quarter.
You will try way too hard to look mean.
We all know girls only like bad guys, and nice guys finish last. Don't even think for one second there's a measured opinion to be had there. That's just the truth, we all know that.
Anyway, you know this means you have to be a little bit more menacing. You know, chew your gum harder, smile less and scowl way more. You mean business, and she needs to know that.
You will argue with the referee.
Hold ittt. HOLLLD ITTTTTTT... there! 10 seconds. That's the least amount of time your non-sensical argument with the ref has to last after he didn't bail you out with a foul call that would have saved you from the embarrassment of missing an open layup.
The key here is to create the illusion there's actually an argument to be had, thus saving face in front of bae.
You WILL excessively hype up how well you're gonna play.
She asked what time you play, and you told her. Now you're stuck. You can't reverse this situation: She's gonna be there, and she expects you to ball.
You might as well go all in now and impress her as much as you can, while you can. Additionally, only the experts can accomplish the job here without ever saying how good they are.
Her: How good are you, baby? You: *Bemused laugh* How good am I? You gonna see tomorrow. You think anybody out there can stop me? What you think this is? You better be ready.
You will exaggerate the devastation of a loss.
This is a major key, particularly if you manage to play well. Everybody just saw you go hard in the paint. Now, you've got to embellish your agony to emphasize the fact you just went hard in the paint.
Shrug off people when they try to comfort you. Show visible signs of anger. Let her know how much the game means to you in an elaborate attempt to draw both admiration and sympathy.
You will not listen to the coach.
You're the rogue player. You're the daredevil. You only play by your rules, and you always take control. At least, that's the image you feel you have to portray.
So since you spent all season listening to your coach, you figure he'll understand when you conveniently turn on him to portray the illusion to your girl you're in control.
Give him a mildly disrespectful, "I got this, I know what I'm doing." Works every time.
Bonus: You will end up embarrassing yourself.
Bruh, if you try all this all at once, you will embarrass yourself.
Just be yourself.