Look, we've all been blackout drunk before. Like, so drunk your friend has to play back the entire night with a string of cringey Snapchats just so you remember what happened.
But no matter how drunk I've been, I'd like to think I could still feel screws being jammed into my penis.
I mean, I suppose if I was that drunk I wouldn't feel one tiny screw sliding up inside my urethra. BUT NINE MORE?
Yes, nine. Nine screws were allegedly shoved up this poor guy's penis.
We have nothing to verify this story other than a Reddit post and a very convincing X-ray.
It was uploaded with the caption,
Man passes out drunk, disgruntled girlfriend shoves 12 screws up his urethra.
I'm not counting 12, for a start. But if this actually happened, what's the difference between nine and 12 tiny objects in the peen?
Whatever he did, no man deserves to have his member converted into a toolbox. This is domestic violence of the highest order.
A moment of silence, please.