Man Shares Post About Broking His Nose Going Down On GF
We've all heard our fair share of seriously embarrassing sex stories.
Remember when we told you about the guy who accidentally peed inside of his girlfriend after having sex with her for the first time in months?
Well, if that hilarious story almost made you pee your pants from sheer laughter, you'll be glad to know that he's not the only boyfriend who's done some seriously mortifying things in the bedroom.
We recently came across another embarrassing sex story on the “Today, I Fucked Up” section of Reddit that proves love can result in more than just a broken heart.
It can also result in a broken nose.
That's right. A man shared the story of how he broke his nose by going down on his girlfriend, and it's guaranteed to make you cringe.
The man, who goes by the Reddit username "esp803," starts of the post by dishing out some background information about his relationship:
Our story begins in my second year of college, almost a decade ago, in a small mountain town. At the time, I had been dating a lovely young woman — we'll call her Blondezilla — for several months. Blondezilla was obviously a natural redhead, very beautiful, intelligent and sassy as hell.
However, like most college dudes, this guy had some serious commitment issues at the time:
Being as this was college, and I had big plans to travel the world after, I had refused to call what we were doing 'dating' or to call her my 'girlfriend.' To me at the time, we were friends with benefits with an expiration date. I was very clear on this, and she agreed to FWB relationship, I suspect knowing that we were in fact dating, and she used to show an alarming amount of joy by teasing me with words like 'boyfriend' and 'love' and 'ow ow ow ow you're kneeling on my hair'. Upon reflecting back, she was correct, and we were dating.
After clearing up the fact the he and Blondezilla were, in fact, dating, he talks about their "interesting" relationship.
According to the anonymous boyfriend,
We'd go on typical dates: dinner, movies, parties, sex-a-thons, most of which would end up in my bed, and would lead to the sex. I consider the sex we had to be rather unique, as the first time it happened, it ended up with her, seconds before climaxing, curling up in the fetal position and crying, and then me feeling like a huge jerk and trying to comfort her. It turns out, she had never climaxed before and the sensation leading up to it lead to a sort of panic attack. This condition, which I'll call 'Onewaysexitis,' made our encounters very favorable to one side... my side. We would do our thing, I'd get her as close to getting off as I could without ending in tears, and she would then get me off. To this day I have never had such an orgasm debt with a partner.
A few months after discovering that his girlfriend suffered from "Onewaysexitis," the anonymous boyfriend endured a karate-related accident while trying to get his second-degree black belt.
He recounted the unfortunate events that unfolded while sparring with another karate student, writing,
I thought I'd try a new technique, and stop a man's fist with my nose. The technique failed spectacularly as a man, nearly twice my size, tried to touch the back of my head... through my nose. Immediately, I ran to the washroom to try and stop the bleeding, as you are given three minutes to do so without being forced to stop the grading. Without looking in a mirror, I quickly shoved two tampons up my nose to 'stop the bleeding and proudly marched back to the ring, strings dangling down my face.
However, Tampax was no match for this injury.
According to the anonymous boyfriend, "It was at this time that the judge told me that since I had clearly not looked in the mirror, that I should probably go do that: Flat, Broken nose."
After a trip to the hospital he arrived back at home with "a second-degree black belt and a reset broken nose," not to mention, "a desire to have the sex."
So he did what any horny boyfriend would do and invited Blondezilla over.
Apparently, trying out a new karate move wasn't this guy's only genius idea of the day.
We started doing our thing, and this is where I had the brilliant idea of going down on her. She always seemed to like it, despite it ending in tears more often than not, and I always enjoyed doing it. She seemed to be enjoying it, perhaps even more than usual, and in her pleasure bucked her hips up.
That's when everything went to hell in a hand basket.
He recounts the chaos that ensued:
Her lady parts impacted my nose with what felt like the force of a freight train. The pain was more than I had ever felt in my life. There was also a cracking noise. Again. I reeled back in agony, sank to the floor, eyes watering, nose bleeding, erection fading.
That's right. This dude broke his nose by going down on his girlfriend.
"So there I was, crying in the fetal position on the ground during the sex, blood pouring out of my nose," he recalls.
Apparently, the sight of blood made Blondezilla panic for a brief moment because she thought Aunt Flo had suddenly arrived.
But after she realized that her boyfriend's re-broken nose was the source of the blood, she did what any girlfriend would do and started to laugh uncontrollably.
Luckily, this guy was able to mend both his nose and his relationship with Blondezilla.
You'll be happy to know that these two are still together, despite the fact that he once cried during sex and now has a crooked nose.