As if 2017 hasn't brought enough doom and gloom, predictions began swirling that Sept. 23 will be the end of the world. Oh, terrific — as if everyone has time for the universe to implode. Get your final Pumpkin Spice Latte orders in before life as we know it ceases to exist.
I, for one, can't think of a more inopportune time for the end of the world. If these predictions are true, we're only going to be treated to one day of fall, and that's one day too few for me. I have a concert on Sept. 30. I planned to celebrate the season with some new sweaters and scarves. Nothing stands in the way of a shopping spree. I repeat: nothing. On the plus side, I guess this wouldn't give my landlord the opportunity to raise my rent.
Anyway, this bizarre prediction is all courtesy of Unsealed, an evangelical Christian publication that predicted our fate in the most 21st-century way possible: a video on the internet. The four-minute clip on YouTube comes equipped with eerie music, fake dragons, and emergency scenes from who knows where that inevitably depict the end of time. The clip's title? "September 23, 2017: You Need To See This." Oddly enough, people listened — the video raked in more than 2 million views as of Sept. 18.
Christian numerologist David Meade has honed in on "33" in order to make his predictions about the end of time. In conversation with The Washington Post, Meade said,
Jesus lived for 33 years. The name Elohim, which is the name of God to the Jews, was mentioned 33 times [in the Bible]. It's a very biblically significant, numerologically significant number. I'm talking astronomy. I'm talking the Bible … and merging the two.
Sept. 23 is 33 days after the Aug. 21 total solar eclipse, which is an omen, according to Meade. But don't get too frightened just yet: Meade doesn't necessarily think the world will end on the 23rd. Rather, he feels that the prophecies in the Book of Revelation will manifest, which will cause catastrophes that take place for weeks. Then the world will end.
Maybe I'm a failed Catholic school student, but that's certainly not what any of us learned at Kellenberg Memorial High School. Did I miss a couple of classes? We probably covered the significance of "33" when I was stuck in orchestra rehearsals instead of lectures. Now it's all coming together.
Some people, or, rather bots, decided to beat Meade to the punch and take matters into their own, um, hands? (Warning: Graphic information ahead.) A Washington D.C. security bot, a Knightscope K5 apparently couldn't handle the political climate. It became so overwhelmed earlier this summer that it committed robotic suicide by rolling straight in a fountain at the office complex, apparently the home of political communications firm GMMB. Perhaps after Nov. 8, 2016, and Jan. 20, 2017, this little fella couldn't possibly stick around for September. Look at everyone mourning his loss... and taking pictures for social media.
For those getting a little bit antsy about this impending news, don't stress. Ed Stetzer, a pastor and executive director of Wheaton College's Billy Graham Center, pretty much took the opposite approach to Meade. When speaking with The Washington Post, he debunked the end-of-the-world mentality Meade is attempting to instill in everyone. Stetzer said,
There's no such thing as a Christian numerologist. You basically got a made-up expert in a made-up field talking about a made-up event. It sort of justifies that there's a special secret number codes in the Bible that nobody believes.
Phew. There you have it folks — my Marianist high school education and degree from a Lasallian college did not fail me. I knew I hadn't heard anything about Sept. 23, 2017. I guess I can tell my best friend she can still come over for appetizers on Saturday. Here, here!
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