Philippine President's Daughter Gives Baby Bizarre Name
Parents have their whole lives to be cruel to their children.
Unfortunately, some choose to start that cruelty right from the get-go, the minute the child leaves the womb and enters this big, beautiful, scary world.
The daughter of Rodrigo Duterte, president of the Philippines, just gave birth to a baby boy.
His name? Marko "Stonefish" Digong D. Carpio.
Oh, but don't worry! He fits right in with his family. His siblings are nicknamed Sharky and Stingray.
Stonefish was born to Duterte's daughter and mayor of Davao City, Sara Duterte, and her husband, Manases Carpio, on March 2.
President Duterte flew straight to Davao after he attended a ceremony in Cordova, Cebu, where he said he was "exceedingly excited" to see his new grandson, according to CNN Philippines.
He arrived at the Davao Doctors Hospital late in the evening. As you can see, he looked absolutely elated to meet Stonefish, who is his eighth grandson.
Yeah, I guess that's pretty cute. BUT HIS NAME IS STILL STONEFISH.
Twitter, back me up on this.
Literally the entire universe is speechless over this name choice.
Even if Stonefish eventually hates his name, he can take solace in the fact he broke some serious world records.
Although, once he realizes what his name is, his first words probably aren't going to be pretty.
Look, his mom is just really into biology right now.
At least he's got a promising future in show biz ahead of him?
Seriously, call your parents up right now and thank them, please.
Presidential spokesperson Ernesto Abella says the arrival of President Duterte's newest grandchild fortifies his resolve "to leave a legacy of a Philippines safe and secure from drugs and heinous crimes to future generation of Filipinos."
That all sounds fine and dandy, but his name is still Stonefish, and the word "carp" is in his last name.
I am dead.