Dear Kyle bro,
You're straight-up reckless, dude. Everyone is worried as sh*t about you, so we're staging an intervention.
We thought it was cool as hell when you jumped off the roof of the shed into Jess' pool last summer, but we feel it's led you, like, dangerously astray.
Your Fourth of July prank was, admittedly, a genius move, but you never apologized for setting Adam's stepdad Seth's car on fire in the process. Like, Seth's a dick, but come on, bruh.
The move you pulled during your promposal to Alexa was pretty much the final straw.
You knew it was wrong to lure a horse from Tiffany's mom's dressage barn, and you did it anyway.
You knew it was wrong to steal the MHS Drama Club's suit of armor the weekend of the spring musical, and you did it anyway.
You especially knew it was wrong to make Keith stand next to you with that tiny-ass horse head on a stick next to your real-ass horse, and you did it anyway, man.
You're lost in the game, and, as your bros, we can't stand idly by and watch you continue down this destructive path.
We asked you here today to offer help. If you choose to accept it, there's a van waiting outside.
Seth's dad is driving the van.
He's gonna take you to Unos to get pizza and talk to you about your feelings, your frustrations and why you feel the need to act out because, aside from being a total dick, Seth is also a licensed child psychologist.
The next step is one you have to take alone. We'll be waiting for you on the other side (Chris' grandpa's basement).
Best of luck,
Adam, Jeremy, Keith, Chris and Fat Jeremy