Every once in a while you'll come across a Reddit story that will change your life and how you view the world.
For me, it was the story of a kid in a wheelchair who adopted a military dog after its owner was killed in Afghanistan.
The post's subtext had an amazing message and the parties that came together to make the story happen were a remarkably inspirational cast.
(Sorry for the lack of a link to this story. I searched a bunch and couldn't find it. Just take my word for it. It was inspirational AF.)
You may, or may not have one of these stories already in your life, but I can guarantee the story below isn't one of them.
In fact, this story below made me hate the world because if it happens even once Reddit, that means it's happened at least five times elsewhere on the planet.
Don't ask me how I made up the math for that. I just did.
It's a story of how a man wiped poop on his face and it's currently dominating Reddit.
So, I warn you, before you cut into this miserable tale from Reddit, just be aware you will hate everything the second you're done reading the last words.
You've been warned.
Here is the post:
So I'll give a bit of background; I've been sick for the past few days and had my nose clogged for about 3 by now. Being the weekend, I stayed home and tried to get better. Often times I would find myself in front of the tv, with some tea and tissues. Last night, at around 1:00 in the morning, I woke up to use the bathroom. My wife was asleep so I tried being quiet. Half asleep, I groggily walked over to the bathroom and sat down on the toilet. I did my business and got up to wipe. While up, I thought might as well blow my nose, and clear my clogged nostrils. Being that I was full of NyQuil, and just got up, I hadn't noticed I used the same piece of toilet paper. The same....piece....of TP!!! (Pause to imagine previously described s##tuation). Simply put, I went back to bed and having a clogged nose (still), hadn't noticed the aroma, propagating in front of my face. My wife woke me a few minutes after the incident. If I recall her words correctly, it was something along the lines of, 'What smells like s###? Wait is that you? WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE S### MARK?!?' After realizing the horror of the situation, I went to in the mirror expecting a huge glob of human product on my face. Having wiped more than once, I didn't have much on my face, but when my sense of scent returned I noticed a prominent stank that made me dry-heave a bit. I washed the smell off returned to bed but had trouble sleeping over the sound of snickers coming from the left side of the bed.
Aaand here are a bunch of innocent chocolate GIFs to make you feel extra puke-y.
There's no such thing as too much chocolate!
There is no goodness in this world.