I've never had a niece, but it's something I look forward to a lot.
While having my own children is a long way off, it's nice to think my more well-adjusted brother, who has his life in order, may start a family someday.
I mean, what woman doesn't dream of becoming the weird aunt who smells like vodka and cats?
Since my niece could write her name, we have been mailing each other letters. We have both been pretty busy and haven't sent or received in a while, but just got this today and this kid cracks me up!
The letter reads,
Dear Uncle Nemesis, Hi There! How are you doing? I am fabulous. I have earned ten dollars and I am going to buy spend it all on candy that I will stash in my room. Not much has happened, but I will keep you posted. I regret to inform you, that the last time I saw you, I could not deliver my booger, so, I will put it on the bottom of the page. [Booger included.] Sincerely, Abigail P.S. I farted in the envelope.
This is basically like in "Charlie's Angels" when every message would self-destruct, except now, he just has poop particles all over his hands.
InfoSecPeezy plans on sending his niece a hard boiled potato back with an invoice. He is even working on a response, written backwards, that will serve as a ransom demand -- empty candy wrappers included as a threat.
While one Redditor suggested he save Abigail's letter to read at her wedding, he is already planning on getting it framed, along with the booger.