Gentlemen, here's the quickest and easiest way to get dumped.
1. Send an extremely jealous, possessive and passive-aggressive text message with a list of rules.
2. Sit back and watch your relationship crumble.
I don't know where this girl is, but it sounds like she's just arrived at college or something, and her boyfriend has tried -- and probably failed -- to lay down the law.
Here's the guy's message in its full and shameless glory:
NO BOYS. NO DRINKING. NO BOYS. [NO] DRINKING. NO BOYS. NO DRINKING. Please be smart alright. I know you will dang it but please be smart. This is really hard for me because I've always been a tremendously good person and have never gone to a party. When I text you, you are to answer. The party is not and will not ever be more important than me. You better know what you are doing. Please don't do anything to ruin us. I know you won't but a reminder never hurt. Around 9:30 text me when you'll be home. Have fun. I love you bunches. I don't know why I allow this but whatever go. NO BOYS. NO DRINKING. And I love you. And you're calling me tonight and I'm getting every detail.
*Shakes head in disappointment*