Toasting To The Summer Of Remi Bader

Remi Bader has a date tonight. Maybe. It’s early July, and we’re seated across from each other at Friend of a Farmer, a farm-to-table restaurant in Manhattan’s Gramercy neighborhood, to discuss what the content creator has coined “The Summer of Remi.” It’s meant to be an era devoted to putting herself first — and right now, she’s not quite sure if going on this date would qualify.

“This guy just asked me to go to dinner. Already, I have anxiety about it,” she says over our lunch (a club sandwich for her, a summer salad for me, sparkly mocktails for us both). “It's weird because I'm such an outgoing person. But when it comes to dating, I get nervous. I think that's because people have always put so much pressure on it. Even after I went through my breakup, everyone was like, ‘Are you dating yet?’”

In March 2024, the New York native shared that her two-year relationship had ended, and it wasn’t the type of content her audience was used to. Her 2.2 million TikTok followers got to know the 30-year-old for her viral “realistic clothing hauls” and stuck around for her dramatic sense of humor and budding modeling career. The vulnerability was always there, but it was more rooted in advocating for size inclusivity and mental health than dishing on her romantic life.

“That was my ‘breakup summer.’ I was doing things to make myself feel better — reading books, listening to podcasts, partying, and traveling. It was actually amazing, but there was a lot of deep sadness. Anyone’s going to be sad when they’re healing,” Bader says. “The summer of Remi is the summer of letting myself be myself and have fun, whatever that looks like.”

So far, that involves days out at Surf Lodge in Montauk (Fangirl by Remi, her very own two-in-one portable fan and ring light, in hand), elaborate dinners at Duryea’s, and even braving a cold plunge while battling a hangover. But dating is part of that, too. Bader’s not really a dater (she estimates that she’s been on five total), and she wants to learn how to do it this summer. “I was talking to my mom about it, and she's like, ‘Remi, you need to date.’ My dad said, ‘No, she doesn't. She can have fun.’ I feel like I could do both.” She’s got the meet-cute down, whether online or in real life. It’s the follow-through she’s still working on. “A lot of those people will say, 'I want to take you out.' And I don't end up going."

Bader is not necessarily looking for a new relationship right now. “I’m not hunting anyone down. If I meet someone, great. But dating is what I need to do to learn more about what I want. How much can you learn about what you want by meeting people out and talking in the middle of a crowded bar?”

She already has some idea of what she likes and doesn’t like in a guy. After her last situationship fizzled out in the spring, she wrote down pros and cons about him — a guidepost for what she’ll be looking out for in the future. Now, she pulls out her Notes app to read the list to me directly. “Pros: smart, witty, respectful, compliments me, confident, secure in job, fine with what I do (because I think a lot of people don't like an influencer), wants to be private, good-looking, gets my sense of humor, good sex, talks on the phone and FaceTimes (not just texts), nerd, likes good food and restaurants, doesn't do drugs.”

He was far from perfect. “Cons: inconsistent, showy and brags, name drops, stubborn and not very apologetic, gaslighter, love bomber, talks badly about exes, likes to take credit for things, gets annoyed if I don't answer him (but he cannot answer me for hours), has never had McDonald's or fast food (I think this was a lie), and doesn't like dogs.”

I don’t want to be OK with being treated poorly.

Two months since ending things, Bader is active on the apps. In May, she asked her followers for feedback on her Hinge and Bumble profiles after noticing men kept telling her she “looked like trouble.” She shows me her new-and-improved profile, a less sultry version of what she started with. (She also scolds me for temporarily deleting the apps after a spectacularly bad recent date: “You can’t do that. Don't let a horrible date make you think the apps are bad.”)

Bader hasn’t noticed a difference in her matches yet, but she’s hopeful. “Now that it’s summer, I’ve been meeting a lot of people in person and have pulled back a little from the apps,” she says. “I used to never really put myself out there. I am now literally going up to guys and flirting with them. More men are coming to me, too. Before, I would feel insecure and pull myself back. But people respond more when you are showing interest.”

I'll be out and hear guys whispering, ‘Oh, she's on TikTok.’ If that’s what’s making you interested, I’m out.

Lately, a lot of men have been complimenting her sass after meeting her. “This guy texted me, ‘Your spunk is one of my favorite qualities,’” she says. Read aloud, his word choice takes both of us aback. I start to point out the double meaning, “Wait, ‘spunk’ is like…” Bader already knows where I’m going. “I'm freaking out. I’m ChatGPTing it,” she says. “OK, it has a few different meanings. Your energy, liveliness, or enthusiasm… or it could mean that.” Needless to say, he’s probably not the love of her life.

One thing she's still figuring out is how to answer the question about what she does for work. “I don’t want to diminish what I do, but I never want to feel like I'm bragging,” she says. “I’m observant. I notice the immediate change in a lot of these guys when I say what I do. They want to be able to say, ‘Oh, I hooked up with Remi. I went on a date with her.’ Or I'll be out and hear guys whispering, ‘Oh, she's on TikTok.’ If that’s what’s making you interested, I’m out.”

She also tends to get in her head whenever a potential crush follows her online. “I think, ‘Sh*t, do I hide them from my story?’ I don’t do it. I will never change for anyone,” she says. “It’s like what Amaya Papaya said — take it or leave it. I don’t believe in the ‘too much’ thing.”

She sees this new attitude as a welcome change. “Something happened when I turned 30, and I realized I want to respect myself more in terms of men. I deserve that. I don’t want to be OK with being treated poorly,” she says.

So far, Bader is content with how her summer of Remi has progressed — even if there are still a few kinks to work out. Maintaining a steady roster has been a challenge (“I either have a lot of people I'm talking to or it's no one”), and she hasn’t found a crush that makes her “giddy” yet.

This date tonight could be a good start — if she ends up going, that is. We leave the restaurant behind to get ice cream at Cafè Panna. On the short walk, three different fans approach Bader, and she greets them all like they’re old friends.

As we finish our ice cream and say goodbye, I encourage her one last time to accept the dinner date invitation. “We’ll see!” she says. Later that night, she uploaded a TikTok asking her followers for advice: She has a date tonight and isn’t sure what to wear.