It can be hard to admit that you want to fall in love as a single person. It's extra vulnerable to say "I'm alone but I don't want to be." But if, like me, you kind of really do want to fall in love in 2018, why not make some resolutions to ensure that it happens?
Here's the thing — there are no guarantees in love. That's why I want to introduce this list of resolutions with a big, fat caveat: You cannot will love to happen, it just kind of does on its own. And really, that's the magic of it. Finding our special person feels so electric because it's rare. Don't believe me? Go on a date with a stranger next week. Odds are that they are probably not your "person."
However, there are particular resolutions you can make that might lead you to love. Sparks don't have to be immediate, and putting yourself out there is only half the battle. You also need to love yourself, as archaic and cheesy as it sounds. Here are four resolutions to consider making to prep yourself for falling in love this year.
1. Do Something Nice For Yourself Each Day
I warned you this was going to get cheesy, so bear with me. The age old adage that you can't "love someone else if you don't love yourself" might, indeed, be true. Show yourself a little love so that your future bae can show you love too. There's a tangible way to care for yourself: do one nice thing for yourself every day. Whether that's taking a yoga class, upgrading your latte, or treating yourself to a cheese block, show yourself some goodness. I promise it will attract kinder partners to your love life.
2. Don't Beat Yourself Up
Even if you are somewhat OK with your presence in the world, if you continuously berate yourself for eating that cheese block for dinner last Thursday, chances are your unhappiness with yourself will show to the person you're dating. I'm not saying you can't eat that cheese block for dinner — you should eat whatever you want for dinner — but you shouldn't beat yourself up for your dinner, or anything else.
Imagine liking someone and complimenting them on how nice they look only to have them shut you down with "I don't look nice, I look like I had a cheese block for dinner on Thursday." It totally negates your compliment, and makes you feel kind of dumb and shut down. While obviously we're all going to hate ourselves a little bit, why not commit to not beating yourself up in 2018 so that your potential partner can show you love too. (Therapy is a great help with this.)
3. Set A Goal, And Stick To It
And the goal should not be to fall in love, because falling in love is not entirely up to you, as previously discussed. However, if you, like me, have trouble sticking to some of the smaller, more rigid resolutions like "spend 20 minutes a day meditating" or "work out three times a week," think about 2018 in a larger sense. Is there a trip you've been meaning to take? Is there a job you've been wanting to apply for? Heck, even a mountain you've wanted to climb?
Setting one tangible goal and sticking to it is a great way to attract love to your life. First off, you'll feel very accomplished as you take the steps to work towards that goal. Everyone and their mother seems to be running marathons these days, so let's say choose to set a marathon as your goal. Each time you run that extra two miles, you'll feel great about yourself. Additionally, training for a marathon might open up new ways of meeting people. And if you're the opposite of an athlete like I am? Take an art class, plant a garden, or even start a podcast — the new "I'm running a marathon" that everyone is doing.
4. Commit To Going On One Date A Week
Do you want to fall in love? Yes, because you're still reading this. Have you been bogged down by ghosts of relationships past, or been ghosted by half-relationships three times in a row? Uncool. While it sounds counterintuitive, going on more dates is a great cure for these patterns.
I'm currently on date 12 of a 51-date experiment for a podcast, and I cannot recommend forcing yourself to go on one date a week more. It's hard to organize, but it's entirely worth it. Just 12 dates in, I've stopped dwelling on my exes; I've stopped believing that every time a date doesn't work out, it's my fault; I've become much more clear about what I'm looking for in a partner; and I've become much more forward about asking for what I want.
And when you find someone you really like? It's nice to keep going on new dates to take some pressure off. Crushes turn me into a "LET'S MAKE THIS WORK" monster, so keeping your options open is refreshing and fun. At the end of the day, you'll find love when you are ready, so make 2018 about taking care of yourself, trying new things, and meeting lots of cool people. Cheers!
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