When my boyfriend and I first started dating, we started talking about jealousy, and I thought his take on it was pretty interesting: He admitted that he does, at times, get jealous just like everyone inevitably does sometimes. But, in general, he believes an important part of being in a relationship is knowing why you're feeling jealous and when it's appropriate to say something to your partner. But when you think about
why you feel jealous in your relationship, how are you supposed to deal? When is the right time to bring up your feelings to your partner?
In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies got honest about the issues that make them jealous — trust me, they're relatable — and opened up about their strategies for coping with the uncomfortable feeling.
This woman talks it out with her partner.
My boundary is when that person becomes a bigger priority than I am or if they feel like they have to hide their relationship with that person. My boyfriend has a lot of woman as friends from being in a predominantly female graduate program. I trust him because he's open about texting Chelsea or getting drinks with Maya, Chelsea and Lily. They're well-aware of our relationship and show a lot of friendliness toward me. He invites me when they have parties and larger get togethers. I'd be concerned if he suddenly locked his phone, refused to talk about his friends or co-workers, or suddenly was hanging out with one of them by himself on a constant basis (because he doesn't really hangout with anyone besides me that often). If I am jealous for whatever reason, we talk it out and I don't invade his privacy.
This woman embraces her feelings.
I don’t think feelings are something you have to justify. To a large degree you don’t really have control over that. What matters is how you handle them.
This woman believes you should talk out your jealousy with a professional.
I think if they're prioritizing another person over you and crossing boundaries, it makes sense. I don't think jealousy is unhealthy, but a lot of times it is - and it stems from insecurities that need to be dealt with by a professional because it manifests in controlling/borderline abusive to flat out abusive behavior. always I can't think of a time I have been jealous in my current relationship but I also feel very secure in myself and my husband's love for me/fidelity towards me. He has never blatantly flirted with someone else in front of me, nor put someone else above me, or anything like that. I am very respected by my husband, he's honest and communicative with me, and that makes all the difference.
As long as you're in control of your jealousy, this woman says you're OK.
If the rules of your relationship are not respected, you have right to be angry and demand that your SO behaves differently. Jealousy is natural emotion and it's ok to feel it, even "without reason". But you need to control the emotion and not let it control you.
This woman recommends figuring out the root of your jealousy.
I don't think jealousy is a healthy reaction, and I think it's a good indicator of some sort of problem or insecurity in your mind or in your relationship. Either way, it's something partners should talk out asap.
This woman believes in finding a partner who can handle your jealousy.
just find a person who is okay with your levels of jealousy, and thus, whenever you are jealous are don't have to worry too much
This woman suggests you own your jealousy.
Feeling jealous at any time can be normal, though it has everything to do with your self-esteem. It shouldn't be your partner's responsibility to make you feel secure with yourself. It's how you react to the jealousy that matters. Do you admit to yourself how you're feeling and decide to work through it on your own? Or do you blame your partner and give them crap about it? That's the important part.
This woman actively tries to keep her jealousy from becoming toxic.
Jealousy is an emotion and I don't personally feel that emotions should be controlled or suppressed. They tell us useful information about ourselves and mostly I think it begins to manifest when we feel entitled to something of our partner that we do not feel we are getting enough of (their time, their body, their affection) and that goes along with a relationship becoming more exclusive or serious, which I think is a pretty legitimate reason for that. I do believe that I can control the actions and behaviour that result from jealousy and I don't allow that to become toxic or harmful to my relationship. Most of the time my jealousy manifests because of insecurity about myself which leads to distrust in my partner. So my response to jealousy is to take time to re-affirm my self-worth, and to make more of an effort to bond with my partner to reassure myself of the strength of our relationship and commitment to each other. Maybe I feel jealous when my partner talks about getting hit on at the bar, but is that his fault for getting hit on? No, it's me who irrationally thinks "Is that girl better than me and will he leave me for her?" Unless my partner is truly doing things that violate the commitment we made between the two of us, jealousy is an internal problem with an internal solution.
In closing, the way you choose to deal with jealousy should be entirely based on who you are and what your relationship dynamic is like. Go with your gut.
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