None of my close friends have gotten married or even engaged yet, but I've got to admit that when the first one does, it's going to put me on a roller coaster of emotions. On one hand, if the friend is marrying someone I like, and I believe in their relationship, I'm going to be so happy for them! But on the other hand, I'm going to be totally freaked out. It's not that I don't have someone I could see myself spending forever with, but it would be that everyone is getting married, and that just feels like such an ADULT thing that I'm nowhere near ready for. But that's just me.
A recent Reddit thread asked women, "How do you feel when you see your friends are gradually getting married?" and their answers showed that a lot of women are a lot like me. Our feelings about our friends getting married are... well, they're pretty mixed. Read along and see for yourself below:
Probably going to be an unpopular opinion here: I'm really happy for them but I also get envious and feel kind of left behind as I'm nowhere near that stage and a part of me wishes that I am.
I cried at my brother’s wedding, not because I was happy for them (I was!), but I was single and heartbroken at the time. I was ENVIOUS, and maybe a touch jealous. I was thrilled for them, but it was hard on me too.
I totally get where you’re coming from.
Happy for them, a bit exhausted at the prospect of going to another wedding and all that entails.
Happy! It makes me feel overjoyed, honestly. I just went to my best friend's wedding a couple of months ago and burst into tears the second I saw her walking down the aisle :,) She just looked so beautiful
If I think they're a good couple it makes me happy with a side of anxiety that I will need to go to yet another wedding, not a big fan of them. If I think they're an incompatible couple or the marriage decision is taken too soon, a silent "You guys are making a mistake." No feeling about my own personal life.
It's the worst when you know a divorce would be horrible for the person. I knew one friend's marriage was gonna go bad from the beginning, but she's always been quick to heal heartbreaks and didn't see break-ups as a failure or major disappointment. Whereas this other friend always got totally devastated for a long time after a break-up, I silently freaked the shit out when she considered marrying her ex who was clearly not even in love with her.
It really depends on the couple. The ones that are compatible, getting married for (what I consider) good reasons, and I believe will last... amazing! Marriage is such an awesome, cool thing when it works, IME.
But the ones that are getting married due to pressure, sunk costs, inertia, where one or both aren't really into it 100%? I feel like Stanley from The Office, fearing that I will end up with 2 toasters. I actually declined a speech at a wedding recently because I don't have much good to say about them as a couple (I said it tactfully, and it wasn't awkward) - it's depressing to watch those weddings.
At my age, it's becoming clear which couples fall into which camp when they announce their engagements.
I DREADED my friend's wedding; I couldn't put my finger on why, I just knew that from the moment I met her husband I had a bad feeling about him. I instantly disliked him, like full on hatred. Couldn't figure out why they were together.
She filed for divorce 10 months after their wedding. I wish I had gone back in time and voiced my concerns, as the divorce was a sh*t show, that lasted almost as long as their marriage.
She's dating a new guy now, and I ADORE HIM. They've only been together for a few months, but I'd stand up for them in a heartbeat.
Good! Because at our age (mid-to-late 30s/early 40s for my friend group) I'm genuinely happy for them because I know how freakin hard it is to meet someone at this age.
I think it's really exciting. Even before I was married when I would be a tiiiiiny but jealous it was still a really happy thing for everyone. My first two friends to get married have been married for over five years now and at least one of them has served as a really great relationship role model for me when I was going through hard times with shitty dudes.
I won't lie, in amongst my happiness for my best friend when she got married was some jealousy and sadness.
But now 2 years on I'm married myself.
I seem to be the only one in this thread but generally I feel indifferent.
I don't really care. People get married all the time. I mean if they seem to be a compatible couple I guess I'm glad that my friend is happy, but most married people I've known inevitably end up divorced or unhappily married. I dislike weddings & fanfare so I try to be as minimally involved in all that. The one thing I hate about the whole thing is when people do the whole "oh you poor singleton don't worry you'll also day find your true love & happily ever after someday". It makes me eyeroll so hard. Probably extra hard since I'm aro-ace & perfectly fine as I am thanks. Otherwise yeah I don't really care.
OK, so if your friend just got engaged, and you don't feel that overjoyed, happy feeling you think you're supposed to feel, don't worry about it! You're not alone.
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