Relationships
16 Married Women Reveal How Their Spouse Is Better Than Their Exes & It's Intense
by Candice Jalili
I was talking to a (now married) cousin once when she told me that she knew her husband was The One because, from the start," "he didn't feel like a boyfriend; he felt like a husband." She couldn't describe to me exactly what she meant by that and, to be quite honest, I've been trying to understand what she meant ever since. I mean, seriously. What is marriage material? What makes somebody the one you want to marry versus the one you want to date?
Well, luckily, in a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, some ladies put that question to rest by explaining how they knew they were going to one day marry their spouses.
He was incredibly attentive.
He is so attentive it blew my mind. The little details he remembered from our conversations. I’m a workaholic and he knows how to help me recognize when I’m burn out. He takes care of me mentally and emotionally.
Being with him is an active decision she makes every day.
He was more easy-going. I didn't have a magical moment or anything; we just worked out. Every day I wake up and continue to consciously choose him.
He was a man of his word.
Because he kept his word. He told me he would help me out, and I did not take him seriously. I thought it was just talk. And the next morning he showed up, tool box in hand to fix what needed fixing. I watched him walk towards me, sun in his hair a smile on his face, and I knew. My heart felt like it suddenly expanded through my whole chest and a peace came over me. he asked me to move in with him 2 weeks later. And I did. It was a very nice marriage.How was he different? He was absolutely 100% for me. No questioning, no "let's see if this works out", no "we need time" Everything clicked. Our politics, ideas about religion, ethics, children, work. We got each other right away. By the end of our second day together we both said we would be together from then on. Nooky was delightful, too.Before him I had boyfriends who said that they loved me, and they did, but never before did I have one say that, and then follow it up with meaningful action.
He respected her as an equal.
He respects me as an equal. It sounds like a low bar, but it’s hard to find.
Thinking about their future together actually excited her.
With my exes i would eventually get this horrifying feeling like, omg this is how its going to be for the rest of my life...With my husband it was more like, wow this is what i want for the rest of my life!
He treated her like gold.
He was different in that he treated me like gold. I knew that he was the "one" as my daughter loved him as much as I did. I would never had married him if she hadn't. Over 25 years later he has proven to be the best thing since sliced bread. Husband, father, grandfather great grandfather. he is the patriarch of our blended family and loved by all.I have gone from being strong, busy having a great career to being retired, disabled and dependent on him. He takes care of me, tells me I's beautiful. He is a treasure and a blessing. He makes me laugh everyday.
He respected her boundaries.
He respected my boundaries without hesitation, manipulation or complaint. He gave freely without expecting anything in return. He accepted both the good and bad parts of me completely. He made me believe I was strong enough to be a better person.
They didn't play any games.
There were no "games" when we started going out, he is respectful, kind, and honest. I have never once had to wonder "does he love me," "is he interested," "am I enough," etc. It was unlike anything I'd experienced with any other guy I have dated.
She never got bored of him.
He's never bored me or drained me. I'm not a very social person so that's a big deal.
She realized she wasn't afraid of commitment.
Turns out I was never actually afraid of commitment. I was afraid of being stuck with my exes forever.The prospect of marriage isn't scary at all if your partner is wonderful.
They shared the same life goals.
Honestly, for me it took about a year and a half. About six months in the hormones wear off. About a year in you start to see what you’re really dealing with. By about two years in you know if you can live with that. At least that’s my experience.In the past, relationships started to crack at around eighteen months—something about each of us just turned out to be something the other person couldn’t really live with. This one just kept chugging along happily. We decided to get married after about two and a half years together, and got married after four years together.We have compatible life goals. We have similar lifestyle preferences. We communicate respectfully. We both have our less-than-great quirks, but they’re quirks that each of us is able and willing to live with and help the other manage.
They didn't have any drama.
No drama, no feeling of having to read between the lines all the time, no games being played, no weird power games where I was expected to be awesome enough for other men to envy him but not so awesome that he'd feel like I might be better than him at anything. No complications around defining the exact nature of our relationship. All these things happened in previous relationships but only really became obvious when they weren't happening with my husband.
Instead, he's kind and supportive and great to talk to and means what he says. So even a few years of long distance relationship weren't all that hard. It all just worked well from the start.
They were there for each other through dark times.
Getting married next month. Knew it the second time I met him.. The goofiness just clicked. Things just kept getting better and better. We supported each other through extremely rough times in life and that's when we eventually realized it's never gonna be anyone else.
She felt totally safe with him.
I knew when I realized I feel totally safe and secure with him. Every day I'm desperate to get home to him because he makes me feel calm and peaceful even though I'm normally pretty anxious. He feels like home if that makes sense. He's also super handsome and kind hearted.
When they fought, it was productive.
He was more empathetic, selfless, kind, practical, independent, responsible, even tempered, our fights were productive and felt like team work, trustworthy, authentic and knew who we was/is.When I was with my exes we were all young and a mess, as most people are at those ages. It's possible that if I met them now or down the line they'd be better people for long-term relationships, but we were not at a maturity level when we were together that would warrant being good long-term partners for anybody at that point. That's me included. I'm glad I met my partner when I did because I wouldn't have been ready for him before.He feels like home, not like a high.
He was willing to work on their relationship.
He treated me with respect, encouraged me to accomplish my dreams, and was willing to communicate and work on our relationship.
OK, so now we all have a better idea about what meeting The One feels like but, at the end of the day, I think we'll just know in our guts when we're with the right person.
