Like breathing, walking or blinking, having sexual fantasies is very much part of the human experience. That's right, people. Whether we admit it or not, sexual fantasies are perfectly normal and we all have them. In fact, according to a recent study, we can learn a lot about who we are based on them. In a recent study of over 4,000 Americans, sex educator and researcher Justin J. Lehmiller looked into what sexual fantasies mean about your personality. His results were pretty dang interesting.
The more than 4,000 people Lehmiller surveyed online for his study came from all sorts of backgrounds: they ranged from 18 to 87 years old, had a variety of sexual orientations, and represented both ends of the political spectrum.
So, what were people asked in this huge survey? Well, for starters, they were asked to describe their favorite sexual fantasy in their own words. Additionally, they were also asked to answer 369 other questions mostly regarding all of the other things they could possibly have had fantasies about.
On top of the sexual questions, the participants were also asked to give some information on their personality types. This meant they rated how much they related to each of what psychologists call "the big five" personality traits.
What are "the big five" personality traits, you ask? Allow me to share: extroversion, openness to experience, conscientiousness, agreeableness, and neuroticism. In the end, he found that people's personality types were deeply interconnected with their sexual fantasies. “Our fantasies seem to tell us something important about who we are and where we are in our lives at any given moment,” Lehmiller told HuffPost.
You can read about his findings in more detail in his book, Tell Me What You Want, but I'll give you a brief summary below.
If you're neurotic (AKA often feel stressed or anxious), Lehmiller found that you're more likely to fantasize about a calming sexual experience with a loving partner.
“Neurotic people fantasized more about passion and romance, perhaps because feeling desire puts them at ease and allows them to relax and enjoy the activity,” Lehmiller told the Huffington Post. “Neurotics fantasized less about having group sex and trying new things, perhaps because these activities involve elements of uncertainty, which can be stressful.”
The tendency towards making other people happy for agreeable people definitely translates to the bedroom, according to Lehmiller's findings.
“Their fantasies involve more themes of mutual pleasure. They really want to see their partners enjoying themselves and be absolutely sure that everything is safe and consensual,” Lehmiller told HuffPost. “Agreeable individuals also have far fewer fantasies about emotionless sex and taboo activities.”
People who are adventurous in their daily lives are just as adventurous in the bedroom, according to Lehmiller.
“People who are high in openness — meaning they tend to be curious and imaginative by nature — tend to have the most variability in their sexual fantasies,” Lehmiller told HuffPost. “They fantasize about almost everything you can think of, from conventional sex acts to things that are sexually taboo. It seems that if you like to try new things in real life, you like to try new things in your sex fantasies too.”
Conscientious people tend to be very detail-oriented in their daily lives so, it's no surprise that their sexual fantasies are anything but vague.
“As with everything, conscientious people were detail oriented in their fantasies as well,” Lehmiller told HuffPost. “For example, they paid more attention to the settings in which their fantasies took place. In bed, they have a tendency to conform to norms. Conscientious folks were less likely to fantasize about BDSM and taboo sex acts.”
According to Lehmiller's findings, extroverts are just as sociable in their sexual fantasies as they were in their daily lives.
“Extroverts fantasized more about threesomes and other forms of group sex, as well as various forms of consensual nonmonogamy," Lehmiller explained to HuffPost.
While extroverts were more likely to be interested in group sex, it was actually the introverts who were more likely to take interest in more "taboo" bedroom activities.
“Extroverts were less likely to fantasize about taboo activities, whereas introverts were more likely to fantasize about them,” Lehmiller told HuffPost. “This may be because introverts have a harder time establishing the types of sexual relationships they want and that increases their propensity for developing taboo and uncommon sexual interests.”
Another interesting finding? Women are way more bold in their sexual fantasies than previously expected. While there was a lot of overlap between women’s and men’s fantasies, women were far more intense and bold in their sexual thoughts. “Men’s fantasies had far more in the way of emotional content than previous research had led us to believe,” Lehmiller said. “And women’s fantasies were far more adventurous than research suggested. We seem to have a lot in common when it comes to the types of things that turn us on.”
Let's go, ladies!
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