'Star Wars' Fans Have A Serious Question About Porgs & It's Slightly Disturbing

by Ani Bundel

When porgs were first introduced back in July, six months ahead of Star Wars: The Last Jedi's release, the reaction of fans was immediate. They were The New Hotness. Instant Porg devotee accounts appeared on Twitter. Fans made endless porg jokes. When we saw one in the Falcon with Chewie in October, the squeeing began anew. So why in heavens name, now that the movie is here, is everyone posting tweets about eating porgs? Why would anyone suggest such a horrible thing, when these creatures are so cute?

There were a few questions when they were first introduced. These are small, bird-like creatures, who don't look like they can fly very well, if at all, living on an island with Luke. Did he hunt and eat porg? But Mark Hamill said absolutely not. Luke has been a vegetarian (though he does eat the occasional fish) since he lived with Owen and Beru. Something about a "WompRat Brisket?" We think it's best not to ask.

But then the critters arrived on screen, and we discovered that though Luke doesn't eat his porg neighbors, Chewbacca had no such qualms. He was even shown with porg butts roasting on an open fire. And the debate started all over again.

But even before fans got an eyeful of Chewie's mouthful (and the sad-faced brothers and sisters of the victim looking at him with eyes of betrayal), the subject of porgs as food had already been revived.

It started with Oscar Isaac, who spent an entire interview talking about how to eat porgs.

Are there turnips on Ahch-To? What sort of vegetation does Luke eat regularly? Should we ask the Caretakers?

On second thought, let's not ask the Caretakers. They have their own problems.

Some already were there with Isaac, even before the movie arrived. When the porgs were first introduced, they considered the best way to field dress them for the hungry Jedi stranded alone* on an island in the middle of nowhere.

(*We fans didn't know about the Caretakers, or that Luke had basically checked into the Galaxy's version of an all expenses paid Jedi retreat lodge.)

Once the movie arrived, any fear that porg futures would tumble were lifted. Porgs were the hit of the season.

And more importantly, the discussion of porgs as food became one of the hidden trends of The Last Jedi.

Some came down on the side of the porgs as food debate with "Absolutely not, even if I were starving."

Others were already planning to bring dip sauces on their next trip to Ahch-To.

Is that a Micky D's mayo-based honey mustard, or a regular one? Would Space McDonald's serve porg nuggets?

Others took up their new Save The Animals cause as a rallying cry:

But the less emotionally-sensitive considered this curious question. What does porg taste like? What sort of meat do they have? Are they an animal made of red meat or white meat?

The obvious answer:

Let's consider this scientifically. Red meat birds are flight-based. White meat birds are land and walking-based.

We do see porgs fly a little, but their penguin shape suggest they are more swimmers, or land-and-walking based.

Wine pairings are always important. How else would you know how to order your expensive, high-end porg dish next time you're at the $500 price fixe restaurant on Canto Bight? (I assume porg is the fad dish of the season.)

Other brought facts to the fantasy chef's table.

Why would puffin meat matter? Because, according to The Last Jedi behind the scenes facts, porgs are actually just a way to CGI out the puffins that infested their filming area.

So if under the CGI, the bird is red meat, does that make porgs red meat? Discuss!

No one wants to eat crystal foxes. Do you have any idea what one of those things costs at Williams-Sonoma?

If crystal foxes are not moral support, then they are at least for collecting, so in a generation or two, the grandchildren can present them on Antiques Spaceshow.

And just remember...

Yes, they are. Especially with a nice, buttery potato side dish.