If You're Trying To Reject Someone Over Text, Don't Do It Like This

by Korey Lane
Originally Published: 

Rejection can often go hand-in-hand with dating. It's a natural part of the process, albeit a sh*tty one. Whether you've been the one getting rejected or the one doing the rejecting, it was probably pretty awk and uncomfortable, but there are ways to let someone down easy and not totally diminish their self-confidence. It all comes down to grace, respect, and knowing that the worst rejection text you can send is one where you show zero sympathy for them and the time you spent together.

Rejection texts aren't one-size-fits-all, but in general they "can range from communicating you don't want a second date, all the way up to using text to break up after a long-term relationship," Grant H. Brenner, MD, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and co-author of Irrelationship, tells Elite Daily. "They are used when communicating face-to-face isn't considered to be a good option. This can be due to more-or-less legit reasons, ethically speaking, but are often because of avoidance. Rather than picking up the phone or meeting in person, or even sending a thoughtful email, text is used."

Only you can decide how best to reject someone, especially if your date put you in danger and rejecting them face-to-face has the potential to put you in a similarly dangerous situation. But if your date was otherwise fine (just not, you know, one that you'd like to repeat), Brenner says rejection texts can be "hurtful and disrespectful." So, in order to avoid causing any unnecessary embarrassment or hurt, keep it simple.

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"The ingredients which go into the worst rejection texts are ones which paint the person as globally horrible, blaming them for the problems and suggesting it is all them and it won't ever change," Brenner explains. Basically, the worst rejection text you can send is one that seemingly purposefully hurts the other person. "The ones which are retaliatory and designed to hurt the person," are never a good idea, he says.

This, for example, is the type of tone you should stay away from:

I'm breaking up with you because you can't handle being in a relationship. You're too broken and I don't think you'll ever be able to — or should — date anyone, anyway.

If that sounds unbelievably rude, it's because it is. However, every situation is different, and while Brenner recommends staying away from rejection texts in general (whenever possible), they can also sometimes be necessary. "Good reasons to use a rejection text (or email) are when other approaches have been tried, and the person can't take 'no' for an answer," he says. If this is the situation in which you find yourself, keep it straight and to the point with something like: "I don't want to waste your time and I don't feel like we had the kind of chemistry I'm looking for. Good luck."

Try to be as gentle, yet firm, as possible. If they still don't get the hint, your next best bet might be to block their number and their access to you on social media. At the end of the day, your safety and wellbeing are your priority, and only you know the situation well enough to decide how best to go about ending it. Stay calm, stay confident, and remember: You've got this.

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