These 7 Women Got Back Together With Their Exes & These Are The Lessons They Learned
Are you considering getting back together with an ex? I've certainly scrolled through my ex's Instagram pics before and thought, "wait, I shouldn't have dumped this guy" (then I usually remember that I didn't — he dumped me, but that's neither here nor there). Getting back with an ex could definitely be the right choice for you — there's a reason you dated them the first time around, after all. In fact, these seven women got back together with their exes and lived to tell the tale.
I gathered stories from women with very different experiences about getting back together with exes. Some are still with their exes today, and some had a less positive experience, but that doesn't mean they didn't learn something valuable from it. They all had useful advice on how to navigate the reunion, while recommending caution before proceeding.
Listening to these stories and lessons from a variety of women can give you the information you need before you make a decision about whether or not to get back together with an ex. You can learn a lot from someone else's experience, even if it doesn't mirror your own, so you can take their advice into account when considering if it applies to you. Remember — this is just their experience, and it doesn't have to be yours.
Read on to hear seven women tell all about what they learned when they got back together with an ex.
1. Learning Boundaries
One thing I have learned from getting back with an ex is that I have a better understanding of my boundaries and what I will and will not put up with the second time around. The overall experience was pretty bad but it's helped me to learn how to treat myself better and raise my expectations for how I should be treated. It's a tricky situation that's hard to navigate for most people, but there are lessons to be gleaned if you can handle it.
— Dahlia, 30
2. Fix Yourself Before Fixing Others
My current boyfriend and I broke up, then dated again. We're happy now — the main thing I learned is that both people have to work out the issues in their relationship on their own, and then come back together. You can't fix another person, they have to fix themselves.
— Claudia, 24
3. Listen To What They Tell You
Getting back with an ex was probably the worst mistake I’ve ever made, honestly. If someone tells you things like they’re a bad boyfriend and you’d be better off without them, believe them! That’s not insecurity, that’s admitting they have a problem and they don’t want to put in work to fix it.
— Kiley, 24
4. Trust And Toxicity
The first time, we learned how dependent on one another we were, and how we didn’t need to be. It had gotten toxic. The second time, we how much we still trusted one another. And personally, I learned I was okay with or without him.
— Aliyah, 24
5. Third Time's Not The Charm
Example one: I learned he was blackout drunk when we broke up, so I had to do it over again. Also learned he would never stop "forgetting his wallet" when we went out. Example two: I learned he would not stop being mean to me. Example three: I learned he was sleeping with a 21-year-old.
— Clare, 31
6. Would Not Repeat
I learned that people do not change. I also learned that men never get better at sex, ever. Although the horrible sex should have been reason enough to not go back. But what can I say? I was bloated and vulnerable
— Mary, 21
7. Check For An Upgrade
I've done this twice. I don't regret it because I learned things both times. One main thing is that it's more important to show you're sorry than to say you're sorry. Also, make sure they did something tangible to prove they're trying to upgrade their life.
— Karen, 28
These women have varying experiences about getting back together with exes, but they all took away something meaningful. Their stories might not mirror yours, but more information is always helpful when making decisions about relationships. If you choose to get back together with an ex, know that it can work out, if that's what both of you want and work towards. And if you choose not to, know it only gets better from here!