Are you ready for the most awkward talk show segment of all time? Because it is here, y'all, and we have Jimmy Kimmel to thank for that. He brought the newly announced Bachelor Colton Underwood onto his show on Wednesday, Sept. 5, and, because Underwood is a virgin (making Bachelor history as the first man to have not yet lost his virginity), Kimmel decided that it was a good idea to give him The Talk. You know the one: Where you sit down, and a mother or father figure decides to tell you what happens when you fall in love with someone, and you start to get those romantic ~feelings~. And you guys, this video of Colton getting the birds and the bees talk from Jimmy Kimmel is so cringeworthy that you can't help but laugh.
Talking about the newest Bachelor's sexual status, Kimmel told the audience that he wanted to help Colton because he's never had sex, joking that he himself has done "it" a lot, and is "really good at it, actually."
Score for Mrs. Kimmel!
Then, we cut to Kimmel sitting down with Underwood, where Underwood explained that he'd "never had that talk in my life." So, Kimmel started at the beginning, asking Underwood if he knew where babies come from.
"When a man loves a woman, then they go into the bedroom," the 26-year-old former football player replied.
"It doesn't have to be the bedroom," Kimmel explained. "It could be a car; it could be an elevator; it could be the fantasy suite. My wife's parents conceived her on the kitchen table."
Things only got more awkward from there. Kimmel decided that the best way to show Underwood exactly what goes on is by pulling out some diagrams of the male and female reproductive organs, and explaining what happens when sperm fertilizes an egg and creates, in Kimmels words, "a baby omelette."
"A human being comes out and it wakes you up really early every single morning, sometimes many times in the middle of the night," Kimmel said. "So, you have to be careful and wear protection."
I mean, he's not wrong.
Talking about using protection, Underwood noted that he hasn't had to use a condom yet (obviously), but he did learn about safe sex back in health class — just like you and me — and that he once had to "put a condom on a banana."
"Also, you can sometimes put that condom on your penis," Kimmel jokingly replied.
I honestly don't know how to react to this clip. It's like, I want to laugh, but I also keep getting flashbacks of being a pre-teen girl with a reddened face every time my health teacher put on a video about what happens when a penis goes into a "vergina," as Kimmel adoringly calls it.
And, while Underwood says that he's not waiting for marriage to lose his virginity, he is waiting to find the right person. "I admire that! I think that’s great," Kimmel replied. "It’s totally weird, but it’s nice."
Anyway, if you want to see the whole clip and reminisce back to those adolescent years where you most definitely still wore a training bra and had braces, you can watch it below:
Wishing Colton a ton of luck as he enters his new role as The Bachelor... and perhaps entering something else during his time there as well. Stay tuned.