The Funniest Pick-Up Lines That Were Actually Used In Real Life

If your mental image of a pick-up artist is a dude in a shiny vest and a fedora, well, you're not alone. I feel you. But lots of people use pick-up lines, and you've probably heard some creepy, ridiculous, or just plain funny pick-up lines if you've ever downloaded a dating app or even just stood outside a bar.

One time, I was walking across crowded Washington Square Park in New York City when a guy sidled up to ask if I'd salsa dance with him. I was 19, it was the middle of a weekday afternoon, and there was a jazz band playing nearby. I think I burst out laughing at how funny his request was, but secretly, I was flattered. We talked for a few minutes, and when he asked for my number, I gladly gave it to him. We texted for a few days, but we never wound up making real plans. I think I might have written something about how suave he was in my journal that night.

I forgot about him until, a year later, he stopped me a few blocks north, this time in Union Square. "Excuse me, miss," he said, stepping in front of my path. "I don't mean to bother you, but I think you're beautiful and would love to salsa dance with you." It finally clicked that this was a tried-and-true pick-up line.

I called him out on his BS. "You know, you've tried that line on me before," I said.

He didn't seem fazed by that at all. Instead, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contact list, which spanned from "Ashley — Blonde, 8" to "Liza — Brunette, 6.5" to "Zoe — Redhead, 10." There must have been five Emilys and 10 Jessicas. This, he explained, was how he kept track of all the women he had picked up over the years: first name, hair color, and how attractive he found each one. If my name was on the list, he didn't show it to me.

I was walking by that same spot in Union Square last month when I saw him chatting up a pretty girl. She giggled and smiled at him as he rested his hand on her waist and began to salsa.

So, players gonna play. I asked around to find the most hilarious pick-up lines that men have actually tried on women. Some lines wound up working, some didn't, and some just became hilarious fodder on the internet.

This Line About Having Sex On A Homemade Bearskin Rug

He told me he wanted to kill a bear with his bare hands, and then skin it to make a bearskin rug that we could have sex on. No joke. He didn't even say hi — he just started talking about bears.

— Anna, 19

The Hokey Pokey (Seriously)

I was [at] a lounge with a group of girlfriends, standing in a circle, and a guy came over and put his right foot in. And then, he took his right foot out. And then, he put it back in and shook it all about. He was doing the hokey pokey, and it totally worked. We all started talking to him.

— Elyssa, 29

This Line Riffing Off A Brand's Slogan

'Are you Gillette? 'Cause you're truly the best a man could get ;)' That was the most creative one I've gotten outside of 'Sit on my face.' Both from Tinder.

— Jess, 23

This Blatantly Sexual Halloween Line

One Halloween, a guy dressed in a really mediocre Frankenstein costume approached me and asked if I wanted to go for a walk. I responded with, 'Not really.' He then leaned in and whispered, 'Do you want to taste Franken-C*ck?' to which I also replied, 'Not really.' His friends made fun of him as he walked away.

— Jenni, 23

This Request For A Date

I was reading a book when a guy sat down next to me and said, 'Can I look as good as you while sitting on a bench?' I told him, 'That's a weird question.' He lingered for a minute and said, 'You look lonely. I can be a friend or we can go on a date.' I told him, 'No thanks, you can go now.' Then he left.

— Ashley, 24

This Random One From A Dude Who Honestly Sounds Pretty Drunk

Once, I got a straight up, 'You f*ckin'?' on the street outside a bar. Like, what does that even mean? Him, or just someone in general? Like, excuse me? He just walked away because I was clearly not having it and gave him the dirtiest look.

— Clara, 24

The things men will do for a scrap of attention...


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