The Funniest Pick-Up Lines That Were Actually Used In Real Life

If your mental image of a pick-up artist is a dude in a shiny vest and a fedora, well, you're not alone. I feel you. But lots of people use pick-up lines, and you've probably heard some creepy, ridiculous, or just plain funny pick-up lines if you've ever downloaded a dating app or even just stood outside a bar.

One time, I was walking across crowded Washington Square Park in New York City when a guy sidled up to ask if I'd salsa dance with him. I was 19, it was the middle of a weekday afternoon, and there was a jazz band playing nearby. I think I burst out laughing at how funny his request was, but secretly, I was flattered. We talked for a few minutes, and when he asked for my number, I gladly gave it to him. We texted for a few days, but we never wound up making real plans. I think I might have written something about how suave he was in my journal that night.

I forgot about him until, a year later, he stopped me a few blocks north, this time in Union Square. "Excuse me, miss," he said, stepping in front of my path. "I don't mean to bother you, but I think you're beautiful and would love to salsa dance with you." It finally clicked that this was a tried-and-true pick-up line.

I called him out on his BS. "You know, you've tried that line on me before," I said.

He didn't seem fazed by that at all. Instead, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contact list, which spanned from "Ashley — Blonde, 8" to "Liza — Brunette, 6.5" to "Zoe — Redhead, 10." There must have been five Emilys and 10 Jessicas. This, he explained, was how he kept track of all the women he had picked up over the years: first name, hair color, and how attractive he found each one. If my name was on the list, he didn't show it to me.

I was walking by that same spot in Union Square last month when I saw him chatting up a pretty girl. She giggled and smiled at him as he rested his hand on her waist and began to salsa.

So, players gonna play. I asked around to find the most hilarious pick-up lines that men have actually tried on women. Some lines wound up working, some didn't, and some just became hilarious fodder on the internet.

This Line About Having Sex On A Homemade Bearskin Rug

— Anna, 19

The Hokey Pokey (Seriously)

— Elyssa, 29

This Line Riffing Off A Brand's Slogan

— Jess, 23

This Blatantly Sexual Halloween Line

— Jenni, 23

This Request For A Date

— Ashley, 24

This Random One From A Dude Who Honestly Sounds Pretty Drunk

— Clara, 24

The things men will do for a scrap of attention...


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