The "Build A Perfect Man" Meme Circling Twitter Right Now Is So Painfully Accurate

by Candice Jalili

Ready for a fun little exercise? OK, I'll take that as a yes and just get started here. Imagine you have just $5 to build the perfect mate. Intelligence costs $500,000; wealth costs $598,903,483,094; good looks cost $9,500; a great personality costs $33,939; killer farts costs $1; their passion for Nickelback costs $4. Obviously, you'd like the other traits but, unfortunately, you only have $5 so you're stuck with the person who farts and loves terrible 2000s pop-rock. Great. The point of that exercise was for you to see how the "build a perfect man" meme that's taking Twitter by storm works.

Still unclear? Allow me to explain. Basically, people on Twitter are doing fun little exercises like the one above. They'll start it off by giving you a budget, then give exorbitant prices for the good qualities like intelligence or kindness, and minimal prices for the not-so-desirable qualities like "lives in a pineapple under the sea" and "has a snail" (aka SpongeBob).

The way I see it, there are a couple of points to these memes. First off, they're hilarious which, as far as memes go, could be enough of a reason in and of itself to make them go viral. But what makes them so hilarious is that, in their own ridiculous way, the memes are actually pretty relatable. They highlight just how rare it is to actually find a dude with all of these great qualities while also drawing attention to the fact at just how easy it is to find a freak with all of these weird outlandish qualities.

Read along, have some laughs and prepare to exclaim, "same."

He's going to look and act like Waluigi but he's a total steal for $5!
He MAY or MAY not be Stuart Little...but at least he owns a dope car?
For exactly $5 you can date a pickle named Rick who likes to scream "I'm Pickle Rick."
TBH, $5 to date Bob the Builder is a total steal.
OK, so he's SpongeBob, but he only costs $15 and who wouldn't want to live in a pineapple under the sea?!
OK, now it's up to you: Spongebob for $15 or Garfield for $5?
I feel like most people would choose a good dog for $15 over a rich, athletic, handsome funny dude for $1,050. No brainer.
He only costs $5 but the catch is he is absolutely terrifying. Small price to pay, amiright???!
He's Mr. Brightside. Just think of how fun karaoke bars would be!
OK, but you can also get this Mr. Brightside for $5.
OK, BUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE 'BOSS BABY'? That guy was so swaggy. Total catch.
Think of all the delicious food you'd eat dating Guy Fieri for a measly $15.
For just $15 you could date this guy on Twitter named Josh.
Who wouldn't want to date a guy who has devoted his life to operating a bean account on Twitter?
OK, yeah, we should probably stop.

OK, I promised I'll stop so I'll stop right there but allow me to leave you with this silver lining. No matter who your ex or your current bae is, odds are he doesn't eat a lot of beans and operate a bean account on Twitter. And, TBH, even if he does, that's kind of hilarious and he gets my respect.

But odds really are that he wasn't SpongeBob. Or Mr. Brightside. Or Stuart Little. Or Waluigi. Or Boss Baby (well, maybe he was a boss who acted like a baby but that's a whole other story). Or a dog. Or a pickle named Rick who screams his name over and over again. Or the king of the undead army.

(Please notice I didn't mention Bob the Builder in that mix because I seriously think that, of all TV characters, he may be the most dateable. Like, c'mon, people, he's not bad-looking, he's really nice, and he can fix literally anything you need him to. What more could you ask for?!)

So, like, even if he is just attractive and that's all he has going for him, think about all of the money that one quality alone is worth in this activity! Same with if he is just smart or just funny or just nice. The point is you found someone with at least one redeeming quality and that's apparently a rarity these days.

I'm obviously not saying stick with someone who only has one good thing going for them but I am saying that looking at romantic situations from this standpoint does really make you grateful for the good qualities your ex (or current bae) actually has.

Look on the bright side, people! OK, now gotta go thank my boyfriend for dating me for free since apparently all of his good qualities would have cost me a fortune.

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