The Best Text To Send If You Want To Spend More Time With Your Partner, According To Experts
When you're in love with someone, it only makes sense that you would want to spend as much time with them as possible. But sometimes life gets busy, we get distracted, and that can put a real cramp on your quality time together. If that sounds more familiar than you would like to admit, it’s time to speak up and let your partner know how you're feeling, and that you really need some more one-on-one time with them. In this case, it's good to take note of the most effective texts to send if you want to spend more time together, if you aren’t comfortable discussing — or, because of your busy schedules, you don't have the opportunity to discuss — how you are feeling with them face-to-face.
To help figure out the best approach and message to send, I reached out to the experts: Anita Chlipala, licensed marriage and family therapist and author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple's Guide to Lasting Love; Jennifer B. Rhodes, a licensed psychologist, dating expert, and founder of Rapport Relationships; and Diana Dorell intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again for their insight into what you should keep in mind when you're ready to compose your message. Here's what they had to say.
Should you ask them to spend more time together over text message?
Opening up about your feelings can sometimes make you feel a little more vulnerable than you’re comfortable with. This is why texting to speak up about wanting more quality time may seem really appealing. “Any way of expressing positive feeling is better than keeping your feelings to yourself,” Chlipala tells Elite Daily. “So if it’s easier for you to be vulnerable in a text then by all means send a text.”
Rhodes agrees that more communication is better, even via text, but cautions that you should do so thoughtfully. “You should always feel free to communicate but I also encourage people to reflect on why they want more time and why prior to sending a text,” she tells Elite Daily, and offers the following example. “If the reason why you are not spending more time together is due to situations out of your partner's control, the text will likely irritate your partner. An in-person conversation would be better.”
What to say in the text.
If you’ve concluded that texting really is the best way for you to communicate how you're feeling, all that remains is figuring out what exactly to type. The experts concur that it really all depends on what you feel most comfortable with. For instance, if you are shy or nervous about reaching out, Chlipala says sending a text to test the waters may be a good idea. “Sometimes a partner starts with an indirect bid to see what kind of reaction they get,” she explains. “Rejection (or what a person perceives as rejection) can prevent them from speaking directly.”
In that case, she says to start with a simple “I miss you” message. “If their partner responds with an ‘I miss you too,’ they may have more courage to express their feelings.” Once you get your courage up, Chlipala says it’s OK to take the lead on planning a time to spend together. “Take the initiative for planning for a few weeks and see if it makes a difference in the amount of time you spend together,” she says.
Dorell suggests using past times you’ve spent together that were memorable as a jumping-off point for the conversation. “[Send them] something like, ‘Hey, I really enjoyed the weekend we spent together (reference something specific) and it would be really great to see more of each other (name when). What ideas do you have around that?’ End with a question to invite in a response!” Dorell tells Elite Daily.
Or if you feel confident, just go ahead and set up a time to see them. “Plan a date,” says Rhodes. “It sends the message in a way that shows your willingness to contribute to the relationship. ‘Me. You. Our favorite restaurant tomorrow night?’ Keep it short and simple,” she advises.
What to do next if the text doesn’t give you the result you want.
If your partner still isn’t getting the hint, the experts agree it’s time to just be direct and let your partner know how you're feeling. “If you’re in a relationship, you should be able to express your needs directly – but please do it positively,” Chlipala says. “State how much you enjoy your time together, getting to know him or her, and that you’d like to spend more quality time together.”
Rhodes agrees, but suggests starting with some self reflection so you are clear in what you are asking for — and why. “Re-examine what you really need and what is really bothering you. Then have an in-person conversation,” she concludes.
Ultimately, if you are in a relationship, you really should be able to speak up about what you need. Start with a text suggesting the kind of quality time you'd like. Do you want to go on a date? Do you want to Netflix and chill? Do you want to just do the "chill" part? Hopefully your partner will pick up what you're putting down. If they don’t, then just say it: “I want to spend more time with you.” There is nothing wrong with having needs and pursuing them, and if you partner is the right person for you, they will be happy to meet you halfway.