Should You Text Your Friend With Benefits On Valentine's Day? A Dating Coach Weighs In
It's that time of year again — when most florists' display windows are stuffed to the brim with red decor, roses, numerous hearts, and giant teddy bears clutching heart-shaped gifts. This can only mean one thing: Valentine's Day is quickly approaching. For some, love is in the air! And, for some, it's also a time for some confusion. If you're in an FWB situation, it can be mad confusing when it comes to navigating Valentine's season with someone you're not romantically exclusive with. If you're wondering if you should text your friend with benefits on Valentine's Day or not, that totally makes sense. It's entirely valid to not have a black or white answer in a space that's relatively grey.
So for starters, is it OK to wish your FWB a happy Valentine's Day? "I don’t think you should text them unless you have the type of relationship where you joke around a lot," Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the podcast breakup BOOST, tells Elite Daily. For a FWB situation to be a healthy and even playing field, it's vital that you and your friend are on the same page. If you don't have an established banter of casually joking around, your FWB might interpret your Valentine's wish as slightly romantic. Even if you mean it simply as a friend, something like Valentine's Day has a super romantic connotation, so just keep in mind that it could send a mixed signal.
"It could make things awkward between the two of you going forward because the person you are texting may think that is a sign that you want more than just an FWB situation," says Leckie. "There is also a potential for disappointment if the person doesn’t respond in the way you are hoping they will." When considering your motivations for texting your FWB about Valentine's Day, it's essential to examine how you may feel if they don't respond how you want them to. It may also be important and necessary to assess if you actually do have feelings for this person. If you realize that you have developed feelings for them, it might be time to talk about that with this person about how you feel. This conversation about your feelings shouldn't happen on Valentine's Day because of the potential for feelings to be already heightened as a result of a holiday centered on romance.
If you genuinely just want to acknowledge the holiday because you enjoy it, texting your FWB could be fine. You could even hang out with your FWB on the holiday, if you know that both of you are on the same page about what you want from each other. "I feel like it’s completely fine to hang out on Valentine’s Day and treat it like any other day, but I think acknowledging the holiday should be saved for couples in a romantic situation," says Leckie. What it comes down to is protecting yourself from getting hurt or potentially confusing your FWB. If you are both good communicators and understand each other, it's less likely that this could cause confusion or hurt feelings.
"I have hung out with an FWB on Valentine’s Day, and we had a great time. We ordered in food and spent the entire night in bed without high expectations for the night as a whole. It was fun and honestly a perfect Valentine’s Day," says Nicole, 24. "I don't think it would mean the same as a boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner but, to me, it is still just about who you want to spend the day with." It makes sense that you might want to spend the holiday with someone you have an intimate relationship with — but you have to communicate that to your FWB.
However you end up spending this Valentine's Day, I hope you take some time celebrate yourself. Sometimes, it can feel like there's a lot of pressure to have a great time on V-Day, because it's a holiday rooted in love. Just remember: There's no right way to spend this holiday. Here's to hoping you feel the equivalent of a million heart emojis, because your ability to communicate your feelings and build relationships should be celebrated in big and small ways.