Raise your hand if you're really, really, really sick of snow at this point in the year. Yeah, winter can be a hypothetically cozy time of year, where you're socially encouraged to stay in all the time, and drink hot chocolate, and watch Netflix for hours on end. But it's also just plain awful, because you're frozen to the bone for about four months straight, no matter how many layers you don to make the hellish commute to and from work. People who are always cold feel the literal pain of the coldest season, and it can be enough to make you want to move to Florida just to get away from it all.
When you're a human icicle with frozen nubs for hands, it can be impossible to even remember what it feels like to be warm. The good news is that we're almost through with what has felt like one of the longest, most brutal winter seasons in recent history. The beach is so close, you can almost taste it — well, not really, because you're still shivering while you walk to work. But spring will be upon us any week now, so let's all cross our fingers that it comes sooner rather than later. Here are 10 of the most common struggles for people who are constantly frozen to the bone, no matter what they do.
You know that lovely moment when your fingers and toes turn into a patchwork of white and pink skin, and no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to get feeling back into those icy white fingers for the rest of the day?
Yeah, you have poor circulation. Welcome to the club, it's annoying as hell.
When you're using products meant to keep people warm while they're skiing, simply to endure your morning commute, then you know you're seriously struggling. Plus, it's pretty hard to fit those things in your winter booties — can some shoe brand please help us out here?
When you have to take a 20-minute shower every day just to bring your body temperature to a normal level of warmth, you know you're completely screwed once the water bill comes.
Here's to hoping your roommate hasn't noticed how much longer your showers are than hers.
Why do some office managers believe that a totally frigid workplace is the best environment for productivity? When you have to keep a wool blanket underneath your desk to cover yourself each day, then you know you have a serious problem without a solution.
As someone who based at least half of her decision to leave Boston for Los Angeles purely because of the better weather, I can confidently say that a warm person is a happy person. When you're starting to imagine a different job (or a different life) in a city that's coincidentally 70 degrees Fahrenheit all year round, then it's time to admit that you are basically the human version of an igloo.
Even if you're not a touchy person, a big bear hug can feel like a welcome respite from the freezing temperature of your surroundings. Just close your eyes, and embrace all of that free warmth.
When you're literally planning to be cold, it's basically a phobia at this point. Cranking up the thermostat when there are still leaves on the trees is probably a sign that your relationship with winter is less than friendly. And yeah, your relationship with your roommate will probably be the same once she adds up the water bill with the electric bill: downright chilly.
Why do those air vents in planes even exist, when they're only capable of pumping out frigid or roasting, stale air? Besides, those blankets they provide you with on most flights are way too thin to do any sort of service to your shivering body. It's best to just pack an extra sweater and a pair of thick socks, just in case.
You don't even like coffee. You just like consuming burning hot liquids, like tea and soup. As a fellow caffeine lover, I heartily endorse this strategy. Just try not to consume too much of it in the second half of the day, because then you'll be cold and restless in bed when you try to go to sleep.
OK, this is a little bit dramatic, but honestly, I would not be surprised if some people weigh this into their decision. Think about it: You basically get a human-sized hot water bottle to sleep in your bed every night, keeping you cozy and warm even on the chilliest of nights.
Or, you know, you can just buy an electric heating blanket and skip the drama. Up to you.
