There are plenty of ways to ensure your partner won't cheat on you. You could pull a Michael Scott and explicitly ask them not to. You could go with my own personal approach and just, you know, choose to be in a relationship with a person you inherently trust. And then, of course, there's always the option of asking them to get your name tattooed on their privates. You know, like Kelsey Grammer's tattoo of his wife's name on his ding-a-ling.
Oh, you weren't aware? That's right. Why would you be? Odds are you haven't been near Kelsey's wiener so allow me to explain.
Brace yourself, because this is about to be just as weird as you expected it to be.
Rather than just, you know, not cheating, the Frasier star had "Kayte" (for his wife Kayte Walsh) tattooed right next to his wiener. And to make matters infinitely more public, he decided to broadcast this detail to the entire world on Conan.
After confirming to O'Brien that he's "not a tattoo guy," he admits that he has "one tattoo" but it's "very discreet." Unfortunately, he decides to elaborate. He literally points to the spot by his crotch where the tattoo resides so now we can all sleep at night not only knowing that Kelsey has his wife's name tattooed on his crotch, but also the exact location of where it resides on said crotch.
When O'Brien asks him why he would ever get a tattoo there, Kelsey explains matter-of-factly:
I think it was more sort of an ownership thing. My wife said, 'why don't you get a tattoo?' I guess it was based on the idea that if ever I thought maybe a peccadillo outside the marriage was a good thing, whoever it might be would read that this particular piece of equipment was already signed.
To be fair, Walsh's paranoia about his possible cheating isn't totally unfounded. She's his fourth wife; they met while he was married to his third wife, the Real Housewives star Camille Grammer.
The two were married for a 13 years before their less-than-amicable split and, based on a tweet Camille posted earlier this summer, she's definitely still harboring some bitterness towards her ex:
I don’t begrudge him his happiness. What’s unnerving is that fact I was there to help him get through some of his hardships and supported his career and his sobriety. I was rt by his side and he acts like I never existed that’s disappointing. We were together through his success
So... maybe Walsh's idea isn't the worst thing in the world. Different strokes for different folks, people! Every couple has to figure out how to make their relationship work — and if a crotch tattoo happens to be the solution, so be it.
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