A Relationship Expert Reveals Why Talking About Your Partner All Day Is Unhealthy
Ah, to be in love. Early morning kisses. Exchanging sweet presents. Having someone around to be the other spoon and clean out the garbage disposal. Listen, I get it. Falling in love can be so exciting that you may want to shout it from the rooftops. However, if you're starting to notice that your boo is the only thing you'd like to shout about, it's natural to wonder: Is talking about your partner all day healthy?
Don't get me wrong, spilling the tea about your love life can be everything from silly to sweet to totally sexy. Sharing your happiness with your friends and family is one of the purest joys of being alive. Talking about your feelings can even help you to figure out what to do when you’re confused. Asking your loved ones for advice or spending an afternoon exchanging stories can be the best ways to feel more connected to the people around you. Although conversing about your relationship can be a good thing, if you can't finish your work because you're thinking about your partner or your relationship is the only thing you ever want to talk about, experts say it may be time for a check-in.
"If you find that you are spending so much time talking about them that it is impacting your ability to do your job or study at school, then it may become an issue," Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples' therapist in Los Angeles, tells Elite Daily. "Talking about your partner is healthy so long as the amount of time you are talking about them is not interfering with your normal day-to-day functioning." According to Dr. Brown, while gabbing about your love life can be sweet, if it's getting in the way of other parts of your life, you may want to reconsider your priorities.
While doodling someone's name on your binder (or whatever the modern version of that is — writing their name in your phone notes?) can be cute and gooey at first, if you're trying to build a stable long-term relationship, Dr. Brown emphasizes the importance of cultivating self-awareness. "If you find yourself constantly immersed in the thought of them — that feeling of running across a field to jump into their arms — that's OK in the beginning stages," Dr. Brown says. "Much after that, it may feel more like an obsession than true, mature love."
Being excited about your relationship and wanting to talk about it is totally normal. However, if you find yourself completely infatuated or unable to think about anything other than your partner, you may want to take a step back. "I don't think it's healthy to be [so] consumed that you can't or won't talk about anything else," Dr. Brown says. "It's one thing to talk a lot about your love, and it's another to totally focus all of your mental energy on them, excluding everything and everyone else." Maybe you could spend 12 hours describing your anniversary dinner or bragging about your boo's rockin' body. Whatever it may be, if your boo is the only thing you talk about, you may be a little overly focused on them. Your relationship can be an amazing and exciting part of your life, but you're still a complete, dynamic person.
Although falling in love can add joy to your life, Dr. Brown says it's important to make sure your relationship isn't taking away from your other interests and commitments. "It is important to gain some perspective about your feelings for your partner," Dr. Brown says. "Ask someone close to you for a reality check. What is their experience? How much [do] you talk about your partner?" If you're worried you're a little too consumed with your boo, Dr. Brown suggests thinking about your school or work, looking over your hobbies or projects, and getting together with friends or family. Get back to the things that make you happy (outside of your partner), like planning a friend's night or taking a yoga class. This can be great way to remind yourself how exciting and fulfilling your life is.
Of course, if you're a naturally talkative person, it may feel natural to want to express your feelings to your friends and family. Of course, you certainly don't need to hide or restrain your thoughts about your boo. But when talking to anyone, it can be considerate to try to listen as much as you share. If you're worried your friends and family have reached their listening limit, try asking them questions about their life. Additionally, consider suggesting a non-talking activity you can do together, such as watching a movie or taking a kickboxing class.
Although sharing your joy with your loved ones can be a good thing, if you're starting to notice that your partner is the only thing you talk about, it may be time for a check-in. Try engaging your friends and family about what's going on in their life. Because while talking about your boo can be sweet for a time, creating healthy boundaries that ensure everyone's comfort is timeless.