Experts Say It's Almost Never OK To Call Your Ex, So Put That Phone Down

by Korey Lane

When you go through a breakup, there are several things that happen. First, you feel whatever it is you need to feel at that moment in time. Happy, sad, relieved — whatever it is, you have to process your emotions. Then, you can start to move on. (Or at least try to move on.) But, at some point, you may feel the urge to reach out to them. Deny it all you want, but with most relationships, that point will come. So, is calling your ex OK? Honestly, I can't answer that question for you, so I reached out to relationship experts to help tackle the topic.

First thing's first: You need to realize that wanting to reach out to an ex is totally normal. It doesn't make you desperate, or sad, or any other insult society can use against any woman who ever feels any kind of emotion. It is what it is. According to Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, there are plenty of reasons why you might feel the need to reach out to an ex.

"We miss them, are feeling lonely, and especially if the relationship was one where you felt very emotionally supported and you broke up for other reasons, it can be hard to let that go!" Dorell tells Elite Daily. "If you are currently single or having a down day, it's common to want to reach back out to an ex for validation, feeling supported or just the familiarity of someone who knows you and at one time loved you!"

Again, there's nothing wrong with wanting to call an ex. But if you're tempted to do so, then think about why. Dorell emphasizes that there are actually some good reasons to call your ex.

"It's OK to call your ex if you really need some information from them and you've exhausted more passive methods of communication (text or email)," she says. For instance, "if you share a bank account and need some information to close it out, or you share children or pets and need to convey a piece of VIP information," then it's totally OK to reach out to them, she says. "Also, it can be good if when you broke up you agreed to take space to consider what you both wanted for a period of time," Dorell says. If you were really on a break and then you realized that you want to be together, then definitely call your ex, she says.

However, if it isn't an urgent matter or you don't want to get back together, then think long and hard before calling an ex. According to Frank Kermit, dating coach at, there can be some repercussions. "You might get re-attached, your ex may get re-attached, and if either of you has potential new partners, those new partners may be hurt or offended that you reached out to an ex," Kermit tells Elite Daily.

So tread carefully. Odds are, it won't end well. "Unless you have a direct specific reason that absolutely requires you to reach out to an ex, do not do it," Kermit says. Pretty simple, right? Now, if you're wanting to call an ex for closure, then Dorell has a trick that you should try first.

"You don't need to talk to someone to get your own closure," she says. "Close your eyes, imagine your ex in front of you and say all that you need to say as if they are really there. Say everything you have to get out. And put your hand on your heart when you feel done and just say 'Thank you! I free you and I free myself! It is done.' A bit woo-woo, but it works, especially if you can't get ahold of them." While that may not be for you, you could also write a letter or text that you never send that says everything you want to say, or talk it out with a friend or therapist.

So yes, you can call your ex if you need to. But if you don't have to, try and refrain. After all, they're an ex for a reason.

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