It's totally normal to feel restless in a relationship. Sometimes, I get so accustomed to change that I feel antsy the moment my life feels stable for one moment. I've been in relationships where there were no major issues, and still, I felt my mind wandering. If you find yourself in a relationship and feeling restless, it's completely OK, and it doesn't mean you're a bad partner. Still, it can be helpful to keep a few things in mind when figuring out where the restless feelings are coming from.
I had a boyfriend in college, and I felt restless in the relationship from the moment it started. The weird part is that I had a crush on him for a long time before we started dating, so it didn't make sense that I'd be the one to get the jitters. I realized over time that it wasn't really about him — it was about the fact that I wasn't used to being in relationships. The stability made me feel like somehow the rest of my life was already mapped out, even though I was only 20. I realized over time that this restless feeling was more about me than about the relationship (although the relationship had its own issues), and I learned a ton from the experience. If you've been in a similar situation, you might find these tips helpful.
Read on to find nine things to keep in mind if you're restless in a relationship.
1. It Doesn't Mean You're A Bad Partner
Feeling restless doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. The most important way to be a good partner is to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, not to control your own feelings. Feeling restless in a relationship isn't a sign that you're being unfair to your partner.
2. It Doesn't Mean The Relationship Isn't Good
I've felt restless in great relationships. In fact, sometimes a partner who's extremely stable and communicative makes me feel more restless because there's no drama. You can very much enjoy your relationship while still feeling restless — it's OK.
3. It Could Be Related To Something Else In Your Life
Restless feelings could give you a clue about something else going on in your life. Maybe you want to switch apartments, and you're feeling restless in your current place. However, you might be transferring these feelings to your relationship, so it's useful to think about where they're really coming from.
4. It's Helpful To Be Open With Your Partner About It
Communication is key. You haven't done anything wrong by feeling restless, so you can speak with your partner about it (although, if you do feel like you've done something wrong, it's also useful to be open with your partner). Issues in a relationship can be improved with open discussion, so don't be afraid to share the way you feel.
5. There Are Ways To Improve The Situation
Restlessness isn't a permanent state. If you're feeling restless in a relationship, you can ask yourself where those feelings are coming from. Maybe you and your partner aren't discussing the future enough, and you're antsy for these conversations to start. Let your partner know if there's anything the two of you can work on to improve your restless feelings — they don't have to be permanent.
6. The Feelings Might Go Away On Their Own
As important is it is to work through issues in a relationship, I've also had restless feelings that simply vanished on their own. You may find that it's a temporary feeling, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to your partner about why you feel this way, it just means you don't have to panic when the restlessness occurs.
7. It Happens To Many People
So many people feel restless in relationships, so it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It's a completely natural feeling, and you're not at fault for feeling this way.
8. Your Partner Might Feel Restless Too
This is just one more reason why it's important to communicate. If you open up to your partner, you might find that they're feeling the same way, and then the two of you can discuss how to best move past the restless feelings.
9. It Can Provide Some Other Hints About The Relationship
As much as feeling restless doesn't mean your relationship isn't going to work out, it can sometimes be a sign of other problems. Really thinking about what caused the restlessness and when you feel most restless can help you to figure out if there's something else going on in your relationship that you should talk to your partner about.
Restless feelings in a relationship are completely normal, and they happen to so many people. While it's totally OK to feel restless, it's also understandable that you may feel nervous about it. So hopefully, these tips can help assuage your concerns. And no matter what, you deserve a rest!