If You're Having A Long Dry Spell, You're Not Alone — 5 Women Reveal How They Got Through Theirs
Are there support groups for people who are going through a long dry spell? If so, where do I sign up? Dry spells are weird because they just sort of sneak up on you. It's like, all of a sudden, you realize it's been a hot minute since you've been with anyone and you don't exactly know how you got here. At least, that's how most of my dry spells have felt.
There's nothing wrong with having a dry spell. In fact, I like to think of them of as sexual palate cleansers — some much-needed time off for self-care and reflection before getting back on the wagon or, you know, a person. Everyone has them — voluntarily or not — and there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.
There's also nothing to be afraid of. Your dry spell won't last forever so stop making all of those jokes about growing old with your cats. They're insensitive to cat owners and to you.
It's important to remember that your sex life doesn't define you. Think of it like you would any other area of your life. Take wellness, for example. Some months, you drink green juice with every meal and never skip a gym day. Other times, your Uber Eats bill is almost as high as your rent. It's called balance.
Don't believe me? Here are five women who've gone through dry spells just like you and how they managed to get through them.
Who needs sex when you have bread?
My longest dry spell was about six months, while I was Au Pairing and living in a French family's home. I lived in a pretty remote spot in the countryside, so contact with other humans my age — romantic or otherwise — was, like, not happening. I definitely missed socializing with people way more than the actual hookup, but I pretty much got through both by eating inordinate amounts of bread, butter, and cheese and reading (or trying to read) tons of books in French.
— Sophie*, 25
It helps to take matters into your own hands, literally.
Month and a half. I had two glass dildoes. Each about 6 inches and slender. After about a week, I had two glass toothpicks. :o
I wore the fingerprints off of my left hand. A joke for sure, but I masturbated like a fiend. I diddled myself so much once that I gave myself cloth burn from the waistband on my tights.
I hated dating....the thought of it almost gave me ulcers. So I stayed home and cried in my tits. A lot.
My best friend gave my number to a friend of hers, and we texted back and forth for a while. I invited him over for dinner, and that was that. Dry spell became a very long wet spell.
Now seems like a good time to focus on you.
I think the longest was probably a year and a half. I was extremely busy and too preoccupied to focus on guys. So, I just had my mind on my career and not on my lack of loving, ha. I also took care of myself a lot!
— Kristen*, 23
As long as you have chemistry with someone, all that's really missing is good timing, right?
The longest of no sex was probably 8 or 9 months? It only ended because my old FWB broke up with his girlfriend and we started sleeping together again. I had picked up a new cuddle buddy in the mean time, but he wasn't (and still isn't) interested in sex.
Other than that, I've had a few 3-4 month dry spells that usually coincide with the fact I just am not bothered to try to find someone/have other things to focus on. I broke those usually once I have some free time and am motivated to meet people... which doesn't really happen that often.
Sometimes, it's best not to rush into anything.
Longest has been a year, currently. I haven't felt comfortable being with anyone since a long relationship I got out of. I've gone on a lot of dates and made out with people but just am not comfortable yet having sex with anyone I've gone out with since.
— Anne*, 24
Your dry spell will be over before you know it but, until then, try to live in the moment.