One of the most simultaneously wonderful and frustrating parts of dating is that you never really know where things can go with someone. You have to start every date with an open mind to the possibility of... whatever things can become. But, down the line, you could start catching feelings for someone, which can taint the easiness of being open to whatever with that person. When you start to desire commitment from a person you're dating, and you haven't yet really discussed that, things could get complicated if you keep those feelings bottled up inside of you.
So, if you find yourself falling someone, you need to ask them what that they're looking for.
It is so damn easy to pretend to be the Cool Girl who's fine with seeing where things go and not addressing emotions. But take it from someone who's been there: Attempting to stay chill only prolongs your pain if you want something more serious. Lying to yourself about being fine with never talking about emotions or saying what you really want is a disservice to yourself. You deserve to speak your mind, say what you want, and find someone who's on the same page as you are.
If you tell the person you're dating that you're developing feelings for them and say you want more, and it doesn't line up with where they're at, that's definitely a hard reality to face. The reason you might have tried to play it cool in the first place was to avoid being let down. But honestly, faking it is no better.
I've gone into situations in which I've liked someone, have been open to a variety of possibilities, only to be disappointed by them wanting to keep things casual. So I guess I didn't know until we clarified things that "casual" isn't what I wanted.
And look, I get it – not everyone wants commitment. I have my own desires and dreams of traveling; going wherever I want, whenever I want; and building a successful career. But for me, I believe when someone is right for you, they'll be able to fit in your life.
The benefit of you asking someone what they want from dating you?
It could be exactly what you want, as well, but they were scared to put their feelings out there first. Think of it this way: You need to talk about your feelings eventually if you keep seeing that person, and it's better to know sooner rather than later if it's worth continuing investing your time.
After having that conversation, you can evaluate what they said and how it matches up with what you want. Are you two on the same page? Do they want more commitment than you do, or vice-versa? If you two want such different things, it may be time to accept that and move on.
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