Some people aren't great about accepting compliments. I'm not one of those people. I looooooove myself a healthy dose of flattery. My only caveat is that it has to be genuine. You can't just arbitrarily say nice things about some superficial characteristic and expect me to swoon over it. I'm in a relationship now but I especially struggled with this issue when I was on dating apps. I felt like the guys throwing compliments my way were only saying baseless nice things they thought I wanted to hear. Now, a new study by AskMen looking into compliments on dating apps confirms why some of those remarks I was receiving from matches just weren't doing it for me.
Apparently, the issue stems from the fact that I'm a female who's interested in males. As most straight women (and men) have had to come to terms with at some point throughout their romantic careers, men and women tend to operate very differently. In some cases, these differences actually end up being a great thing in that they allow us to complement each other. That being said, in many, many, many, many, many other cases, the differences make room for lots of miscommunication.
According to this study, the way we perceive compliments can create some of those situations in that latter category. For example, one time I wrote off a guy on Bumble because he complimented my shirt. I saw his message and I literally rolled my eyes and went back to scrolling through matches. He literally chose the most basic thing he possibly could and said he liked it? Ugh. Hard pass.
Well, the researchers over at AskMen found that the dude most likely complimented my shirt because that's a message he would enjoy receiving. Similarly, when I would wonder why that compliment I sent a dude about his interesting bio never got a response, it was probably because I sent that message under the incorrect assumption that I would enjoy a message like that so he must feel the same way. In fact, the study found that, while women like being complimented on their personalities, men prefer a compliment on their appearances.
OK, so let's break it down. What, exactly, do women like being complimented on when they're scrolling through dating apps? Well, for starters, the majority of the female respondents (38 percent) agreed that they like to be complimented on their personalities. So, dudes, try replacing that "nice shirt" message with a "great bio!" message. Immediately following personality, in second place 20 percent of women agreed that they enjoy being complimented on their sense of humor.. .so feel free to tell her that her bio wasn't just great...it was also hilarious. While it's not one of their favorite things to get complimented on, a substantial 16 percent of women do admit that they enjoy being complimented on their appearances.
OK, now let's talk about dudes. The best thing to compliment them on is....wait for it...yep, you guessed it: Body and appearances. In fact, the largest majority of them (29 percent) agreed they enjoy being complimented on their looks. Much like the ladies, second place for the dudes (23 percent) also goes to being complimented on their humor. Closely following their sense of humor at 21 percent is their personality and right after that 18 percent of them said they'd like to be complimented on their intelligence. The bottom line? If you're talking to a dude, play it safe and tell him he's either hot or funny. OR really stroke his ego and tell him he's both.
There is one thing most men and women agree they don't enjoy being complimented on and that's success. In fact, only nine percent of each group said they enjoy those sorts of messages.
So now you know what most men and women do and don't prefer to receive on apps but don't forget that you're still entitled to be yourself! Unless it's something rude or hurtful, don't hold back on sending something you truly believe. The right person will like it because it's from YOU.
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