Relationships
If You Don't Like Your Engagement Ring, Here's How To Handle The Situation Smoothly
by Candice Jalili
Ah, the day the love of your life finally drops down on one knee and pops the question. The day you've been waiting for forever. Most of us have imagined this day over and over again in our minds and everything about it was supposed to be absolutely magical. But what happens when that fateful day finally comes around and... you don't like your engagement ring? What are you supposed to do then? Well, in a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies share their best advice.
Openly discuss what you want beforehand.
i’ve made it a point to openly discuss the kinds of rings i would be happy to receive just to avoid this ever happening
Be honest if you don't like the one you're given.
I spoke up. We went together to the jeweler with the intention of looking things over, and actually chose a traditional type of setting for mine (single diamond in a simple setting). After we bought it, I couldn't stop thinking about how showy it felt, and how unlike the two of us it seemed. I couldn't connect to it. So we called the store, asked to return it and choose something different, which they kindly allowed. We found the perfect thing on our second trip.
For me, it had to feel right. It represents our couplehood. Of course, I didn't want to hurt his feelings or anything by changing it but he felt the same way.
Talk about it as a team and come up with some affordable options.
We discussed rings and I showed him one’s I liked and actually didn’t want a diamond. We went with moissanite and you’d never know. It’s a lot better quality than CZ, less expensive than diamonds. At some point I will “upgrade” but that’s pretty low on my list
It's no big deal if it isn't your style.
I would tell him so. He showed me a picture of my heirloom ring before committing to giving it to me to his mom. It was 100% up to me.
You need to be able to have uncomfortable conversations with the person you're marrying.
Talk to him. It would be hard, but if you aren't comfortable discussing uncomfortable things with someone, you may want to rethink marrying them.
Hint HEAVILY.
Oh God, I have no idea what I would do. When I was in relationships that I thought would lead to marriage, I made sure that the man had examples of things that I liked. One guy used those examples to buy me a very nice pair of earrings; another would search for things online and say "What are your thoughts on this?" When I eventually do get proposed to, I would hope that he would have listened to me about what I want, or at least checked with my sisters and best friend if he was at all unsure!
My best friend wanted her ring to be a surprise but also did not trust her now-husband to pick it out - apparently he'd made VERY questionable choices in the past. I spent a day ring shopping with her and then sent him notes on what she liked along with photos/locations of her three favorites. She still got to be surprised by the ring and he knew that she would like it in advance.
Maybe it's not that big of a deal, after all.
In long term relationships I make a point of discussing the type of rings I like (and other similar gift items) to make it easier.
If he/she proposed with a ring I really didn't like it wouldn't impact whether or not I said yes.
Assuming I said yes, I would however then have a discussion with them a bit later about how I wasn't so keen on the ring and propose HA that we go and choose a new one together (and if necessary, make it clear I'd expect to bear some of the costs).
If it was a ring handed down (ie not able to be returned) I would at some point talk to them about my intention to wear just a wedding band (Also because of my tenancy to take jewellery off).
Tell your partner you want to be there to pick the ring.
I don't think this would happen because we've agreed that I would be there to pick out the ring.
Wait for the right time to say something.
I'd speak up when the time is right. I'd politely ask if we could go pick out a ring together since the one he proposed with wasn't quite to my liking. I'm going to "have to look" at that ring for the rest of my life after all, it should be one I actually like.
Make it a mutual discussion.
I would tell him I didn’t like it. But we’d hopefully never get to that point anyway. Either we wouldn’t have rings, or we’d both pick something out we each like.
You could always sell it.
Sell it :D
Suggest that your partner proposes sans ring.
I'd honestly prefer that he proposes without a ring and then we go to pick it out together, unless he knows exactly what I like. I do not like most traditional engagement rings, and I don't really care for diamonds, so I'd like to have more say.
A group of acquaintances/friends were recently making fun another girl they know (that I don't) who didn't like her engagement ring and they thought she was being entitled. I don't wear a lot of jewelry so if I'm going to wear a ring every day for the rest of my life I don't think it makes me entitled to want it to be one I think is not ugly.
But honestly, I know myself, and if I did get a proposal with a ring I didn't like, I'd probably wear it unhappily and never say anything about it for fear of coming off as ungrateful or rude.
It's not going to be a fun conversation but it's one that needs to happen.
I would feel extremely awkward but I'd have to tell him. I'm not going to wear something I dislike. If I didn't tell him and switch it for one I loved...it would be a very expensive ring no one would ever see because I'd stick it in my jewelry box and never wear it.
That being said, I don't think it should be an issue. He knows I have my own style, and ideally we'd choose the ring together so I'd have a say from the beginning.
(Side note, I saw the topaz heart ring posted above. That would be an issue...because what the hell was he thinking??)
Think outside the box.
I was firmly against spending money on an engagement ring of any kind. I find rings with gemstones to be incredibly irritating since they can catch on things and I don’t like flashy jewelry. My now-husband wanted to propose with ring as a nice gesture, but he also agreed it would be a waste of money if I would only wear it short-term.
So we did something really unconventional: when he and I traveled overseas to meet my parents for the first time, I mentioned our ring situation to my mom and she offered up a beautiful ring that she no longer wears. I passed that along to my then-boyfriend and he eventually used it to propose at a very romantic spot.
Later on we purchased plain platinum bands as our wedding rings and I’ve never worn the engagement ring again.
Have higher standards for your SO.
If my SO was stupid enough to buy it beforehand without knowing that there is some spesific ring I like, I would just say that I want to change it. I think he would know better.
Seriously. Don't hold back on telling them what you want
Impossible. We discussed it openly, came up with a budget together and found an Etsy shop that did custom orders with man made diamonds.
It didn’t ruin the surprise. It just made things much easier
Tell them the truth in a nice way.
I'm really picky so I hope my future fiancé would know to let me pick it out (within reason, of course)... but if he did I would tactfully tell him that I didn't love it.
Never forget the importance of COMMUNICATION.
Wouldn't happen. I'd talk about the rings and styles I like beforehand. Communication is important, and it's also important when you're going to wear a ring for the rest of your life.
Decide how bad you really think it is.
It would depend on how bad I thought it was. I think that my boyfriend would make an effort to find out the type of rings I like. He likes getting his money's worth and it would probably kill him to spend money on something that I didn't end up liking. Anyway, if it would really bad--like not what I wanted at all, I would kindly ask him if we could swap it for another cut. If it was alright/decent-looking, then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
Try to find the beauty in the ring.
I’d be excited he proposed and not really care what the ring looked like. If it was odd I’d probably delight in it in a way.
Take into account the fact that he probably worked hard to get you that ring.
I would suck it up and thank him. I bet he worked hard to afford it.
Be honest and give him the chance for a redo.
My ex gave me a ring that was literally the bent handle of a silver spoon. Man, it was ugly. I just said I wasn't into it, which was fine because clearly he had put no thought into it. Later we chose a nicer looking, more comfortable ring together.
Some people would suggest you just shut up and count your blessings.
Be thankful I’m engaged.
Try suggesting you'll pick one together.
I’d insist we pick one together. Then again I don’t really understand the point of engagement anyway
At the end of the day, your MO when you're in this situation shouldn't be based on what these other people did. No, it should be what's right for your relationship.
Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!
