As a couple begins to get more comfortable in their relationship, it's normal to crave a bit more excitement. Fortunately, if you feel like your partnership could benefit from a shift in energy, making your relationship more spontaneous could be an effective solution. Although spontaneity may not seem like the make-it-or-break-it element of a solid long-term relationship, it's more important than you might think, according to Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show.
"Spontaneity is important for a relationship," Dr. Klapow tells Elite Daily. "As the relationship goes on in time and as couples settle into their routines, boredom and complacency can set in. Spontaneity and novelty keep the relationship fresh, allow it to continue to grow, and allow each individual to experience more and more with their partner." This doesn't mean your entire relationship needs to revolve around chasing excitement, but nurturing this element can make a good partnership even better. It turns out, keeping the spontaneity alive in your relationship can also bring you closer together, explains Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, licensed clinical psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of Training Your Love Intuition.
"[It] adds excitement, but it also adds something even more powerful," Dr. Wish tells Elite Daily. "It boosts your bonds to each other. When you act with spontaneity, you are often doing new things or things you haven't done in a long time, and this [can lead to] barely detected anxiety that prompts you to feel safer by bonding more closely with your partner." Unfortunately, starting a conversation with your partner about spontaneity can be a bit tricky, as it's easy to unintentionally hurt their feelings. "Telling your partner to be more spontaneous, or telling your partner that your relationship needs to be more spontaneous is rarely well-received," confirms Dr. Klapow.
So, if you're interested in starting a dialogue with your partner about ways in which you can make your relationship more spontaneous and exciting, Dr. Wish recommends taking a less direct approach. "Pick something you've always wanted to do — you can sign up for classes in art, dancing, acting, singing, bird-watching, or anything else that appeals to you," says Dr. Wish. "And then, while you are having a good time, tell your partner what a great time you're having and that you'd like to do new things more often." This way, you're commenting on something positive that's already occurring as opposed to negatively scrutinizing the relationship. "Suggest that you each take turns picking something to do each month, and if possible, keep it a surprise," suggests Dr. Wish.
Although there's nothing wrong with being direct when it comes to initiating relationship improvements, how you frame the topic is key. When something is communicated as a problem, this can make the issue seem much more complicated and personal than it needs to be. That's why bringing up how much you enjoy being spontaneous with your SO in the moment while having a good time can often be way more effective.