They say every time you cry over a worthless ex, Lizzo shakes her head in disapproval. People know and love this icon for her uplifting lyrics that help you "dust your shoulders off" from a breakup, or really any life occurrence that leaves you feeling like anything but 100% that b*tch. "Good as Hell" was my go-to song this summer when I got ghosted after over a month of seeing someone. When the queen gave me my confidence back, I rejoined Tinder. And soon after, I combined the two and messaged my Tinder matches with Lizzo lyrics.
It turns out that even though they make amazing self-care starter pack items, Lizzo's lyrics don't really (surprise, surprise) make men on Tinder warm up to you. At least that's what my experience was like. Admittedly, not all of the men I matched with were turned off by the lines I threw at them and some definitely didn't shy away from suggestive replies and double entendres. But none of the messages I received in return left me feeling like the boys were appreciative of the awesomeness I was spewing. And, criminally, none of them recognized the singer's lyrics or figured out what I was doing.
1. Let's Start Of With One Of The Not-All-That-Bad One
I know, I know Lizzo never said just, "How you feelin'?" She said "Baby how you feelin'?" But at this early stage of the game, I didn't yet have the ovaries to go all in, so I just put a part of the lyric in there. A little funny incident happened when I was answering with a lyric from "Phone." This guy asked me which song I was rocking out to (not wondering why or where I was so confidently dancing at 12 p.m. on a weekday) and I named it! If only he Googled the song and looked at the lyrics, he'd know what was up.
Alas, he just said he'd never heard of it. In hopes of rectifying that, I offered to enlighten him (that's what "take you higher" was meant to be in this case, at least) on today's music scene. He didn't show any enthusiasm for learning, though, but was more than happy to offer to teach me something instead. For my part, I ended the communication here.
2. We Both Got A Little Cocky Here
As fate would have it, the best fitting lyrics in this guy's case were the most self-assured ones. I felt almost terrible and very condescending at first, sending nothing but self-praise when he didn't really ask for it.
But hey, saying you know you're awesome and throwing false modesty out the window is what Lizzo is all about. Plus, the boy didn't seem to mind, and, without any further adieu, took it there.
3. Short And Sweet
By the time it was this guy's turn, I was in full swing, not about to cut anything out, so I just went ahead with an unaltered classic and asked "baby" how he was. We kept our interaction short and ended with a philosophical "discussion." What are feelings, if you think about it? Does anyone really know?
5. It Wasn't Love, It Wasn't Hate, It Was Just Indifference
I'll be honest, this guy didn't really give me a lot of exciting replies to play with. I mean, right off the bat I gave him this baller line about my wearing expensive designer clothing.
Not to be too harsh on him, he didn't say anything rude or disrespectful, I guess. But then again, I'm wearing Prada, so be a little devilish yourself and throw some fire on the convo. He didn't and it just fizzled out.
5. Atta Boy
Whenever I used this line, feeling a bit like a mix of J.Lo and Joey Tribbiani, I inevitably got a quick silence treatment from disconcerted guys. They were probably wondered if they should just drop me. But not this one. He obviously welcomed the sudden pet name.
6. Error 404: Self-Doubt Not Found
He Super-Liked me, actually read my profile (which says "Love a good Pad Thai"), and then saw through my very paradoxical personality by just looking at my photos. I definitely didn't think this one would invoke sexual imagery as soon as he did after all of that. My innocent compliment went straight to his head (and other parts of his body). Then again, considering how many times the three-dotted bubble appeared, disappeared, and reappeared after the "I can," I didn't take the tacky text to be a sign of overflowing amount of self-confidence with this one.
If there's one thing I learned from this experiment it's that a lot of men on dating apps don't listen to Lizzo. Even after I dropped the super famous line, "No, I'm not a snack/Baby I'm the whole damn meal," I didn't get a, "Wait, isn't that a lyric from that song?" reply. My suggestion to you would be to do what I did. The second you find someone that recognizes the new queen bee's words behind your messages, congratulations, you've found someone worth at least one date.