Some things in life, unfortunately, don't come naturally to all of us. Like, for example,
how to make the first move on your crush. Take me, for example. I'm in a relationship now, but just the thought of having to come up to someone and tell them I liked them or was in any, way, shape or form interested in them used to make me feel sick to my stomach. Then, one time, I did it. And you know what? I didn't die! It was fine. And the best part? I got rejected and it was fine! I went ahead and did the thing I was so afraid of, the worst case scenario happened, and I survived!
And now I just hope every other woman on the planet gets to experience the same thing. OK, well, maybe not the rejection part. But the confidence to make the first move part. Luckily, a recent Reddit AskWomen thread asked ladies to share their very best tips for making the first move with people they're interested in. And you have to trust me on this. Their responses literally could not be better. Grab a notebook and pen before you dive into this one because you're definitely going to want to take some notes here.
She weighs out the pros and cons.
No secret really, I just tell myself that I'd rather go for it and know that I tried. 'A person who asks is a fool for five minutes; a person who never asks is a fool for life'
It comes naturally to her.
I enjoy being in control and so it’s natural for me to make the first move. I don’t like being chased or chosen, so the only way it works is for me to take the lead. I’m very honest and direct and sometimes it’s a turn off for men. Ive tried to be coy but it’s unnatural and aggravating for me. I’ve experienced some dropped mouths. It’s o.k. though. If you’re comfortable with it, go for it.
She's not down with subtlety.
I'm not good at subtlety or "dropping hints" or indirect communication. If I feel like talking to someone, I go ahead and get it over with. If I think about it too much I'll get nervous and I don't like being nervous.
/u/RadBenjamin Own what you bring to the table and flaunt it, be straight forward about your interest, be kind! :)
She keeps her expectations low.
Don't get your hopes up. Go in fully understanding that they might say no and be okay with that. If they say no, don't beg or ask why, just say okay. Give yourself some space. They know how you feel, of they change their mind they'll let you know.
She accepts that being rejection is NBD.
You just do it and realize that the worst that could happen (rejection) is not the end of the world or even all that bad. It’s better to do it quick. It’s getting hung up on someone and pining after them for a while in silence that makes the ask intimidating and rejection painful because then you’re emotionally invested. It’s best to shoot your shot right away because if the rejection happens at that point, it’s not as big a deal. You haven’t had time to build things up in your head.
She loves herself whether or not some dude loves her back.
I'm just totally okay if someone doesn't want me. So I have nothing to lose. That's having self-love, right? Like, I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea. No one is. So you shoot your shot. If it works, great. If it doesn't, someone else will always come along/want you. /shrug Another thing, if you don't go for what you want in life, how will you ever get it?
/u/hotsquishyquiche I'm very comfortable talking to men as people. I've always had an equal amount of male and female friends. I talk to them out of general interest and usually because we have things in common. I think it's easy to tell if a guy is potentially interested, I can just see it. If he's not, I don't pursue. If he is, then I just invite him to do something. I say, let's hang out sometime and exchange numbers. I text him in the next few days and set something up. It helps that I'm interested in friendship or dating, so we just have a good time regardless
She knows not making a move is guaranteed rejection.
To quote my mom: "You've already got a 'no'... " As in, "by not trying you can only have a negative...”
She remembers that, worst case scenario, it'll be a funny story.
They always appreciate forwardness and if he denies you, it’s a funny story later. Who cares stop worrying!
She knows she's got nothing to lose.
If there’s heavy chemistry from the get go, there’s literally nothing to lose. Haven’t made the first move on someone I barely knew.
She treats others how she'd like to be treated.
I compliment people the way I wish people would compliment me. People like that because I know I would like that. There is no secret, it's just being a nice person, genuine, beauty is from within. And everyone knows that.
She only hits on people she knows like her back.
I think I've never made a move on someone I was absolutely 100% sure liked me back, so there was no fear just excitement.
She tries to get an answer as soon as possible.
The sooner you try, the sooner you can find out if you're rejected. The sooner you're rejected, the sooner you can move on with your life. Waiting in limbo is the worst - you waste so much energy thinking "what if?", getting your hopes up or dragging your self esteem down. When you spend forever in limbo, you also get really invested in the outcome and it becomes more devastating if they say no or simply turn out to be someone different from what you imagined. Before you get too invested, they're just another person so the stakes are lower and making a move is easier.
She puts herself on a pedestal.
I always approached dating with the mindset that he is already super into me, no matter what I do. Put yourself on a pedestal instead. So I’d act that way, it’s great for nerves too. I’d think oh he is just waiting for me to make a move. If it creeped people out so what? It wouldnt have worked anyway, so I saw it as time saved.
Now it's time to go forth and flirt shamelessly!