One-night stands get a bum wrap because some people still believe there is something shameful about casual sex. Well, folks, as someone who's had one-night stands, trust me when I say this: get over it. They can be unbelievably awesome. That is, if you know how to have a one-night stand the right way, and by that, I mean safely and with the right frame of mind.
Yes, making love with someone you connect to on a deep level is incredible. Over time, your partner can learn your body and what makes it tick, which can lead to deeply satisfying sex. But having sex with some you don’t know can also be a unique and incredible experience. And it’s because it’s new, fresh, and unknown that it’s oh-so-exciting. There's just something different about the way it feels the first time a new person touches your body.
So, if that’s the experience you're after, know that there's nothing wrong with that. Just so long as your head and heart are in right place. And, of course, you've taken all the safety and birth control precautions. Because no one wants a one-night stand door prize in the form of a baby or an STI when they were just hoping for a couple of Os from a hot stranger.
So, how do you make sure that your one night stand is a success? I reached out to an expert, Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, for her advice. Here's what you need to know next time you opt for a single-serving sex partner.
1. Ditch The Shame Spiral
For some people, having a one-night stand is just not their jam, and that’s totally OK. When it comes to sex, the number one rule is to never force yourself to do something that goes against your heart and desires.
However, for those of you who want casual sex and might feel ashamed by that, it's time to kick off those shackles and do what feels right for you. Levine promises that it’s totally possible, even likely that you can have a great one-night stand experience so long as "you’re sexually confident and empowered."
2. Make Sure You Know What You Want
Before any sexual encounter, you should always check in with yourself, make sure you’re totally on board, and that there isn’t some little voice whispering (or shouting) that you’re doing something you’re not comfortable with. One way to guarantee that your one-night stand experience will be a bad one is by not being honest with yourself about why you are doing it. Levine warns against having one if you secretly are hoping that it’s going to turn into something more. Sometimes that does happen, but you shouldn’t go into a casual encounter with intentions for a deeper connection.
3. Communicate Your Needs In And Out Of Bed
Sometimes it can be hard to speak up and say what it is that we want and need. But it’s extremely important to not only to be honest with yourself, but also, as Levine says, to know how to communicate your desires. What is the point of having sex with someone if you aren’t going to enjoy it? Take control of your experience by being fearless about your needs.
4. Get Your Birth Control And Safe Sex Strategies On Lock
And here is the biggie: Pregame your safe sex and birth control precautions. You never want to find yourself unprepared and swept up in the moment. That’s exactly how accidents happen. "Consider and take action on what you need to be as sexually safe as possible in terms of STDs and boundaries," says Levine. In other words, make sure before you start engaging in casual sex that you using at least one form of birth control. Since none are 100 percent effective, having more than one is recommended. Consider getting on the pill, or getting an IUD. And always, always, always make sure to use a condom. Carry them on you at all times, so you’re never caught slippin'.
5. Relax And Enjoy Yourself
OK, now that you’ve done all the work, it’s time for the fun stuff to begin. At the end of the day, the whole reason to have a one-night stand is simply for the fun of it. "Do it for you and for mutual pleasure," says Levine. She’s not wrong. So long as you’ve done the work to make sure it’s what you want and that you’re being safe, your one night stand is off to a great start.
One last bit of advice — don’t forget to have your victory lap (aka "walk of shame" if you wanna buy into that BS) transportation and style worked out in advance, too. Have fun!
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