Whether five months into a relationship or five years, the moment when you realize that the person you're with isn't right for you can be a major downer. It's especially painful when they seem to check all of your boxes, and yet deep down you know it just ain't meant to be. To get some real stories on how women knew their partner wasn’t the one, Elite Daily took to Reddit.
Realizing that your relationship with someone has an expiration date is tricky. Do you break up with them as soon as you know and move on, or do you let the partnership run its course? Either way, letting them go, even when you know it's for the best, can trigger some complicated feels.
But hey, in the process of finding your forever bae, some relationship casualties are to be expected. And let's face it, figuring out what you don't want in a partner can take some serious trial and error, but the upside is that once you can say for certain the qualities you don't want in a SO, you are that much closer to getting clarity on the qualities that are most important to you. It also offers you the opportunity to work through your own shortcomings so that when you do meet your person, you'll be a much stronger and wiser version of yourself.
About 3 months into both my past relationships. The f*ck up is that I was too scared and codependent to leave, and didn’t think anyone else could love me.
I’ve been single, and living on my own, for almost a whole year and it’s been an amazing experience. I really feel like it’s helped me with my codependent tendencies. I really value my alone time, and have become so much more passionate about my hobbies. I’ve learned to really love myself for who I am and be more confident in my day to day life. I have established an amazing friendship with this sweet girl and I’m so thankful I met her.
We were on and off in our third year of dating and he texted me, “let’s break up” one morning and I didn’t bat an eye. I just didn’t care lol.
When I looked at him one day and realized I liked it better when he wasn't there because I wasn't stressed out about his mental and physical health, something he never took personal responsibility for. I needed a partner, not a child older than me. I needed someone I was attracted to, spiritually, sexually and emotionally and I just didn't feel that way about him anymore. He's not a bad guy, he just wouldn't and couldn't get his shit together and after 4.5 years together, I just wasn't about resigning myself to being a caretaker at 24.
With one, repeated incidents happened that made me realize we had some very different values. Like he talked behind his friend's back really badly. That he was annoying and he didn't like him. But he invited that friend many times and totally acted like he liked him as a friend. The last one was when he didn't give a shit about my feelings and did something to make me break up but I can't say I didn't see it coming.
Around 3 months in, I was basically paying for all the dates, driving him everywhere because he didn't have a car, helping him study... Basically being his mom and getting nothing out of it. The moment I really knew, I was in line for the ferris wheel with my best friend at a carnival. These girls in front of us were saying it would be better if they had boyfriends. My friend and I exchanged looks. We were both dating crappy partners.
When we were in the home buying process and all of my home needs and wants kept being superseded by their needs and wants. I negotiated for a compromise over and over but was dismissed every time. I realized my needs, both in a home and in the overall relationship, came dead last. Things unraveled from there.
I had been dating a really great guy for years and over the course of some months realized he wasn’t who I pictured growing old with, and that’s all there was to it. We got along great but we were still pretty young and I didn’t feel in my gut like he was it — there was something missing that I couldn’t put words to, even though we had, by all accounts, a healthy and happy dynamic for the most part. It made the breakup so much worse because he didn’t understand why I felt this way and I wished I could’ve pointed to something he did or something about him that showed me things were wrong, but I couldn’t. It sucks because nobody had ever told me that sometimes there isn’t necessarily a catalyst or a specific thing that makes you realize things aren’t right, so I felt — and still feel — really guilty that I couldn’t give him a better explanation or some sense of closure that he understood. Sometimes it’s just not right.
If it becomes clear that the person you're dating isn’t someone you see yourself with for the long haul, don’t panic. Maybe the tip off was a major clash of ideals, or maybe it was as simple as no longer feeling a spark. Regardless, you deserve to be with the person of your dreams. I don’t personally believe in the concept that there is only one person out there for everyone, but rather that there are likely thousands of compatible matches out there. If you’re thinking about ending a relationship, rest assured that there really are so many fish in the sea.
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