How Soon Can You Know Someone Is "The One"? An Expert Reveals When You'll Know
The jury is still out on if love at first sight is a legitimate, albeit rare, phenomenon or a biological trigger than can be simply explained as a chemical response to someone we are instinctually drawn to. If not from the first moment you meet, when do you know if someone is "the one"? Before I go bulldozing over all your romantic fantasies about meeting a prince who knows from the first moment you meet that you're the one, it turns out this is pretty much exactly how the romance between newly engaged Prince Harry and Meghan Markle unfolded. According to PEOPLE, Prince Harry told the press outside Kensington Palace on Monday, Nov. 27, 2017, that he knew Markle was the one for him from the moment he first met her
Well, for those of us who have yet to have a prince or princess come charging into our lives, professing their unyielding love for us, how soon can you actually know someone is "the one"? Well, for starters, it depends on how you define "the one." Personally, I don't subscribe to the belief that there is only one soulmate out there for everyone, but rather, that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of people in the world that someone could be compatible with. Of those suitable matches, it's up to us to decide whom we want to be our life partner.
If you do subscribe to the belief that there is the perfect "one" out there for you, can you know they're it for you as soon as Prince Harry did? Well, if two weeks into dating someone, you experience some gigantic moment when all of the stars align for you, and you think the person you're with is everything you've ever wanted, that's amazing. But while you might think you know that soon, intimacy and relationship expert Irene Fehr suggests taking a bit of time to process those feelings, as they could change with time.
"This grand, sensationalized feeling that you're referring to is like the hot sex that couples often experience in the beginning of relationships," says Fehr. "It's a starting point, but one that is often clouded by a heavy cocktail of hormones and chemicals that we emit when we click with a new person."
Although running off to Vegas to make things official with this person might sound exciting, especially if you think they're the one for you, Fehr warns that, oftentimes, making serious decisions in this state of excitement isn't always the best idea.
"Rather than grand and sensationalized, clarity and confidence often feel calm and grounded," Fehr explains. "And while you might feel that clarity early on, it is still equally important to get to know how your partner actually shows up in action (rather than merely portrays him/herself to you through word)."
Before knowing for certain that someone is "the one" or is right for you, taking the time to get to know what you actually want in a partner (not just what you think you want) is key.
"Each person has to become aware of what the other person is 'right' for. Everyone has different desires and values for a relationship," says Fehr. It's also worth considering that what you want in a partner at 20 could be completely different from what you want in a partner once you're in your 30s or 40s. It's totally possible that the one for the 20-year-old you might not be the one for the 35-year-old you, and that's totally OK.
According to Fehr, realizing that someone is "the one" isn't necessarily something that just happens. "There is an underlying assumption that we should 'know' on our own, if they're 'the one,' without actually discussing it with our partner. Yet, talking to your partner about what they're the one for is crucial to creating and building a relationship where your partner can actually meet you and become 'the one,'" she says.
In the end, there's no saying that you can't meet someone and have an immediate hunch that they are your forever boo, but the truth of the matter is, it may take more than a few post-honeymoon phase experiences before you know for certain you're with the right person. Essentially, you can know someone is the one as soon as you've sat with your feelings for a while, spent a good deal of time getting to know them, and are sure they meet all of your needs in a relationship.
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