I think we can all agree that quality communication is key to a healthy relationship. But what about the frequency of contact? For some, a single text or call a day is plenty to feel connected to their boo. For others, it’s more common to shoot a few texts and Instagram DMs throughout the day, and make a phone call on a lunch break or right after getting out of work. How often should you communicate in a relationship? Basically, it’s pretty impossible to define what's “normal” because every relationship is completely unique. And the frequency of communication will depend on a number of factors, including each individual’s needs and the demands of their respective careers.
If you’re curious about how your habits measure up, consider this: A 2015 Pew Research study found that 85 percent of young people in relationships expect to hear from their SO at least once a day, if not more, and another 35 percent of people expect their partner to reach out every few hours. Roughly 11 percent of participants expect bae to communicate in some way every hour of the day.
How often you communicate with your partner can vary over the course of the relationship, too. For example, you may excitedly keep up contact far more often at the beginning of the relationship (the #honeymoonphase is real). If you or your partner get a job that makes it more difficult to access your phone during the workday, that will obviously affect how often you can communicate. And if your relationship becomes long-distance, you may find that has an impact on your communication frequency as well. Again, there is no right or wrong when it comes to how often you call, DM, or text your significant other — but that said, here’s what eight women on Reddit had to say about their communication habits.
My GF and I text constantly throughout the day. We both communicate similarly though. Some women don’t want to text as much — my best friend would be alarmed if someone texted her as much as my GF and I do.
For context: we live together and both work full time. I would say we text sporadically throughout the day. Always a quick text in the morning to say "love you" or "have a good day," and later on there might be some logistics we discuss. We’re always sharing funny stuff we find or if something cool happened in work. She’ll let me know when she’s on the way home, then we just talk in person.
Different story when we’re apart — texting and sharing pics a lot more.
No conversational contact during the workday, not even when the relationship was "new." Work time is for work. We'll exchange messages if we need to coordinate a meet, or one needs the other to do something. Consequently, he knows that if I call him at work, he'd better answer no matter what because I'm probably calling to let him know the house is burning down, or some other emergency.
I got stuff to do during the day, so does he. I don't need to know his every move, nor do I expect him to track me all day.
If I find anything cool online or remembered something that he needs to know I will message him while we are both working. He is usually in a loud environment and I'm too busy to make calls (emergencies excepted). We are both done at the same time every day and call the other one when we walk out of work and towards the cars. Just a quick "hey, I'm on my way." When we meet at home at 6 p.m. we make dinner together and tell each other about our days.
I remember at the beginning of our relationship I wanted to talk to him all the time and tell him every little thing that happens during my day. But he let me know that he can't always hear or answer because he's at work and busy.
My partner and I communicate via text pretty consistently throughout the day, if neither of us has work stuff for meetings to attend to.
We sometimes go as long as a day and a half to two days without talking or texting if we're very busy.
We are both professionals, and we both understand that the other has obligations outside of the relationship, so it's cool.
We're long distance (as in the other side of the world) so I only see him every five or six months, but we talk on the phone almost every day for anywhere from half an hour to two or three hours. We've been doing this ever since he left over two years ago. And we text constantly, pretty much all the time.
As you can see, some women communicate with their partners less than once a day, some talk every day, and some check in multiple times a day. And keep in mind that sometimes two individuals have different needs — and that’s OK. What’s important is that you both feel you’ve found a happy compromise and you’re satisfied with how often you keep in touch on the daily. Ultimately, what matters most is not how frequently you and your boo call, text, or DM, but whether that frequency is working for you.
