8 Women Reveal How Long It Took Them To Move On After Their First Major Breakup
Maybe you've just gone through a major breakup, or maybe you still get pangs of sadness when you think about an ex from years ago — in any case, any experience with heartbreak might leave you wondering: How long does moving on from a breakup take? I mean, what's normal when it comes to recovering from a broken heart? Should you be ready to get back on the saddle (AKA your dating apps) a few weeks post-breakup, or will it take more time than that to get over it?
The answer is that, well, there really is no answer. Everyone handles emotions differently, and every relationship is unique, so it really depends on who you are and what your relationship was like or how long you were together. If you were with your partner for several years, it might take you months to get to a place where you're ready to start dating again, and even years for you to feel fully recovered. A newer, more casual relationship, on the other hand, might not hurt as much or for as long, and you might find yourself moving on pretty quickly.
Basically, there's no right or wrong length of time, and however long it takes you to cope is valid. But that doesn't mean that it's not still super helpful to hear from other people who have had similar breakup experiences as you have. Here are real stories from eight women on how long it took them to get over a major breakup in the past, courtesy of reddit.
Sometimes a few months will do it.
I'm 36 and have quite a few relationships of at least a year or longer. Most of my relationships have ended well after they should have, so I felt relieved rather than heart broken. I did have one relationship that lasted about a year and after being dumped, I was completely heartbroken. I tried to stay in his life, thinking he'd come back. Shamefully, I did that for almost three months until he went no contact. It took a good month after that for me to get over the mourning period and stopped thinking about him. I started to see the faults in the relationship and in him that I hadn't wanted to see. It was then that I could move on.
We never formally 'dated', but I had a very passionate fling with this guy for about 18 months. He was the first guy I fell for - we're talking the whole head-over-heels and butterflies shebang.
Anyway, it was a pretty hurful ending and I managed to get over it after about 6 months by, you guessed it, going cold turkey and cutting him completely out of my life. Truly, I just fell off the have of the earth with him - block on FB, no calls/texts etc. This was about 2 years ago, and he still whatsapp/calls me every 3 months or so. But I've never caved in, because this guy hurt me. You have to have self-respect and recognise that people will seldom change fundamentally. Focus on improving yourself physically, be nice to yourself when you feel upset as its only natural, and maybe take time to heal before finding a new guy :)
But you might need a year (or more)...
Get over like move on, do other things, stop being sad? About a week.
Get over like release the anger I had turned the other feelings into? About a year.
What do you mean by "get over"? When my 19-year marriage dissolved, it took nearly a year before I could contemplate dating again. It was just a couple of months before I wanted to go back to a normal routine of life -- getting up in the morning, going to work, meeting with friends. It's 3 years later now, and I'm still really gunshy about the idea of getting into a serious relationship with anyone.
Enough to feel like a functional regular human again and not think about him all of the time? About 3 months.
Completely, about 2 years.
Sometimes, you never really get over them.
I don't get over relationships. Ever. I know that's really unhealthy. I don't call them or cry too much over them or hate their new partners, but I just...I don't stop being in love with people. Maybe I just need more time.
Okay, that sounds really dramatic and like romaaaaaaaantic, but how would you like to still get tingly when you think about your white-sneakers-and-khakis wearing crush from freshman year of high school? It sucks.
And sometimes, it takes no time at all.
When I broke up with my ex-fiance, it was after 8 years and I was ready to date pretty much right away. I had already spent a good deal of time falling out of love with him, so by the time I actually told him to hit the bricks there was no emotional attachment at all. The things that had happened over our relationship that led to the breakup were enough of a balm that it just didn't bother me.
It's Different (And Unpredictable) For Everyone
My first heartbreak? Probably a few months, we dated for only a short time like you. My second heartbreak? Totally different story, it took literally years to not be overwhelmed with emotion when I thought about him/us/the situation.
So, there you have it — whether you've had breakups that didn't have that typical mourning period, or you've spent months or years getting over a past relationship, you're totally normal. Yes, even if you still think about someone you dated in high school and feel a little sad. You're only human, and emotions are just part of the deal. And if you're nursing a newly broken heart right now, remember that you'll feel better eventually — no matter how much (or how little) time it takes.
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