This Is How Long It Takes For A Partner To Really Trust You, According To Experts
Trust is easily one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship, but typically, it's not something that's fully there from the start because it takes some time to build. How long it takes for a partner to trust you is a question that doesn't really have a right answer, because we are all so different. But regardless of our differing abilities to trust, a solid relationship is pretty hard to have without it. Knowing that the person you love has always got your back and would never do something to intentionally hurt you truly is an amazing feeling. But it's also important to feel like the person you're with trusts you equally, or at least as much as you trust them.
I spoke with author and relationship expert Alexis Nicole White and relationship expert, bestselling author, and life coach Susan Winter to find out how long it typically takes for a romantic partner to trust the person who they're with.
"As adults mature and experience life, the willingness to be open to vulnerability does decrease," White tells Elite Daily. "However, each individual's ability to 'open up' with that level of intimacy has to be done on their own time as each relationship is different."
As with most things in relationships, there are no rules that outline an exact amount of time before someone "should" trust you — which is why being patient and understanding toward your SO is so important.
Both White and Winter agree that trust is typically something that takes time to build.
So should you be worried if your partner easily and quickly gifted you their trust? Not necessarily, but if it was basically overnight, then that might be cause for a little pause.
"When an individual indicates that they 'trust you' early on, it's not particularly a red flag, especially if they feel as though they have established a bond with you," explains White. "Although, if they are stating this to you on the third date, that may be a little strange."
At the end of the day, there's nothing inherently wrong with being an easily trusting person. Sure, it might mean that you end up getting hurt more often than those of us who are a bit more withholding, but again, this definitely isn't a major character flaw.
"Trust can be established more quickly if your partner is impeccable with their word in all their affairs," Winter tells Elite Daily. "Consistency in one's words and actions establishes trust."
If anything, someone telling you they trust you early on might very well be a testament to the fact that you have been putting your best foot forward as a partner, and have inspired feelings of trust in them them sooner rather than later.
But what if you feel like you can totally trust your SO, but they don't feel the same way towards you yet?
Well, according to Winter, this could be a major red flag in certain situations.
"I've counseled clients who have partners that refuse to trust them," she explains. "No matter how consistent and warm the behavior of my client, their partner holds the trust issue over their head as a reason to 'not love them fully.'"
Your partner taking a bit longer to trust you doesn't mean they're being shady, but if you are in an otherwise serious and committed relationship, their inability to trust could be a sign they themselves aren't the most trustworthy, notes Winter.
"I worry about the partners who can't trust," she warns. "They're [often] the ones with the issue. Normally, it means that they are untrustworthy themselves."
And while this may seem surprising, it makes total sense why someone who doesn't trust you in spite of your consistently trustworthy behavior could be the one with the bigger issue.
"Untrustworthy people assume everyone behaves as they do, and in time you'll do to them what they'll certainly do to you," explains Winter.
But at the end of the day, if you are with someone who needs more time to fully open up, then all you can really do is be patient. And if they continue to project their trust issues onto you, then it's up to you to decide how long you are willing to wait.
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