How Do You Know If You've Met "The One"? 7 Signs Someone's Not Quite Right Long-Term
This idea of "the one" has been ingrained in our minds ever since we were kids. We'd watch romantic comedies, Disney fairytales, and read young adult novels in which happily ever after told us that there was one person we were "meant to be" with. But in reality, there are plenty of people who could be "the one" for you, and will mesh well with you at different parts of your life. In any relationship, you could be wondering if you've met the one: Are they the person of your dreams? Is your connection completely unparalleled to other relationships you've had in your life?
There are surely relationships you'll have in your life where you feel so deeply for one person, but something is just nagging at you that it isn't right. Or, there could be more obvious signs that the relationship just won't work out for you. To get an idea of more specific reasons and signs your relationship isn't the one for you, I spoke to several experts. Check out their advice on signs your SO isn't the one for you below.
"Typically ["the one"] is related to asking if the person they are with is their soulmate," Jennifer B. Rhodes, psychologist and relationship expert, tells Elite Daily. "That person could be their soulmate but that does not mean you are meant to be with them forever."
They can't commit to a relationship.
You could love the person you're with, but unfortunately, if they aren't in a place in their life where they can commit to you, it may not be the best relationship for you to be in long-term.
"A person can be a soulmate, but they are not ready for a real relationship in this life - that happens more than people would like to admit," Rhodes says.
Michelle Afont, divorce attorney and life coach, agrees.
"The biggest red flag that this person is not 'the one' is the inability of the other party to truly commit," Afont tells Elite Daily.
If someone isn't able to commit, they may not make plans with you in advance or follow through with concrete plans you two have made. In order to build a life with someone, you probably need them to be on the same page as you, commitment-wise.
Things just don't feel right.
Sometimes your strong feelings aren't enough, and you could feel something is just... off in your relationship.
"If you aren’t comfortable with their [mission, vision, and goals] in life, then you have to be honest with yourself that this isn’t the right fit for you, even though you might truly love that person," Regina A. Demeo, a divorce attorney, tells Elite Daily.
They don't incorporate you into other aspects of their life.
Of course, you should still be your own individual people, but if they never invite you to go out with their friends, or spend time with their family for the holidays, that could be an issue for a long-term partnership.
"Things feel or are separate for holidays, friends, activities," matchmaker Stef Safran tells Elite Daily. "It seems that it's always, 'After this one thing. I'll have more time.'"
If you're noticing that they aren't asking you to do those things, it's possible it could be innocently slipping their mind. If you haven't spent time together over the holidays before, suggest that you would like to, and see where that conversation goes. If you want to spend more time with your SO and their friends, make a point to ask something like, "Hey why don't we all grab a drink at happy hour this week?"
"You have to decide what type of life do you want to have," Safran adds. "If you want to have a partner rather than someone to just 'be with' you have to make some tough decisions."
One of you wants marriage and children, and the other doesn't.
If you want kids and your partner doesn't, or you really want to be married one day and SO isn't really into that, things may be difficult for your relationship's success.
"For instance, one of the biggest issues that needs to be considered is the desire to start a family," Afont says. "To have children or not should be one of the biggest concerns on aligning life goals." This could be a huge divide for a couple because there really isn't a way to compromise on this, and you deserve to fully get what you do or do not want in life.
Brooke Wise, founder of Wise Matchmaking, also thinks this is a sign that the relationship may not make it through.
"While no one has a crystal ball to predict the future, if you do not share similar big picture goals such as marriage, starting a family, and building a life together, this is problematic," Wise tells Elite Daily. "If he [or] she [do] not see children in the near future and you are ready and don’t have the luxury of waiting, this could be a sign that the love may not be enough unfortunately. You don’t want someone to have children if it’s not what they ultimately want and you don’t want to forego something that you truly want as this will lead to resentment."
They minimize your significance to other people.
A subtle sign your partner may not be the one for you is if they downplay who you are. You're their partner, their significant other. Them introducing you as their "friend" to other people "is not a good sign," says Afont.
They're not putting as much effort into the relationship as you are.
"If the person you are in love with does not seem to be reciprocating in the relationship," Dr. Danielle Forshee, licensed clinical social worker, tells Elite Daily, that could be a sign it isn't the relationship for you. "Reciprocating in all areas including responsiveness in texting and phone calls, emotional and physical affection, initiating spending quality time with you."
It's not fair if you're always the person who initiates plans and texts first, and that could signal larger incompatibility.
They don't seem to care about you.
Rabbi Judy, a rabbi with relationship experience, says that a partner's neglect or inability to show affection could mean they aren't your person.
"If your person doesn’t listen to your wants and needs and if they don’t produce the change," Judy tells Elite Daily, that's a bad sign. "If they keep repeating their behavior over and over again, then that’s a problem."
But do you end the relationship right there and then?
"It depends on each person’s individual situation at different points in their life," Judy says. "No matter what, you should remember that love is binding, but two people have to be there in it to make it work."
If you realize that the relationship isn't right for you, try not to think of your time with that person as time wasted or lost. Every relationship offers a teaching experience, informing you what works for you, what you like, and don't like. And down the road, you may find someone who's a much better "fit" for you long-term, and maybe you can look back on previous relationships and be grateful they ended, so you had room in your life for that other person.
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