I'm a big fan of describing a cranky person as having "sand in their vagina," because A.) it's funny and B.) nothing is more irritating than having sand in your vagina. In fact, I'd rather have a dude with kissy-kissy photos of his ex-girlfriend still up on his Insta inside my vagina than a bunch of sand, and that's saying a lot. Despite this potential pitfall, a trip to the beach can give you a healthy dose of negative ions, salt-tousled locks and maybe, just maybe, a chance to flirt. Summer is perfect for fun, flings, and flirting, so read on to find out how to talk to someone at the beach.
Starting a conversation with a stranger is never easy, but luckily there are myriad pickup lines to choose from. You're probably used to flirting and being hit on in the usual scenarios: a party, a bar, or a party at a bar. Although every now and then there's an outlier situation, like the time a guy asked for my number while I was picking up my birth control at the drug store, we're generally most comfortable flirting with a stranger not in broad daylight. Let's be bold! A day at the beach presents many opportunities for interacting with cute humans, from lounging in the sun to crashing a volleyball game. Here are nine suggestions to help you figure out how to get your flirt on while working on your tan.
You're lounging, you've got your tunes going, and your tan is nicely cooking. Then you happen to spot a nearby cutie... here's how to proceed.
1. "Hey! I was going to ask you to put lotion on my back, but that's super cheesy. Instead, will you put it on my front?"
2. "You look just like one of my friends but they'll never believe me. Can we take a pic together for proof? Put your face right next to mine."
3. "I can't help but notice you're really starting to burn, why don't you come sit under my umbrella?"
If you're the kind of person who goes to the beach to actually swim, first of all, good on you. Second of all, there's a good chance you'll find your kind of people in the water, too. Here's a few openers for flirting while floating.
4. "I couldn't help but notice that you're drowning. Why don't I save you and then we can grab a drink?"
5." I can't tell if it's you or the ocean, but I am wet."
6. "Shark! Hold me!"
Dear God, are you one of those people who goes to the beach to do athletic things? I marvel at you from the comfort of my shaded beach towel and will be rooting for you as you try these pickup lines while sporting around doing sporty things.
7. "Enough of this team volleyball nonsense. How about some one-on-one?"
8. "I see you're great with balls. Me, too. Let's play."
9. "Hey, can I keep score for you guys? That's my favorite part of competition - scoring."
Obviously these are ridiculous and will probably get you either a laugh or a visit from Beach Patrol. If you truly do want to start a conversation with a cute beach-goer, you can never go wrong with some version of "Hi, nice tan/hat/swimsuit/shades. I'm Laura." (Do not say you are Laura unless your name actually is Laura.) Just remember - your chances of starting an actual conversation are much better if it looks like they're having a good time and hopefully don't have sand in their vagina.
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