Being away from your partner can get more than a little lonely, especially when what you want most in the world is to be able to reach out and touch them, or feel them wrap their arms around you — or more. The good news is that in situations like this, when you’re feeling a bit, ahem, amorous but your partner is far away, your phone and the sex you can have via it can be a real game-changer. But the question is, how do you have great phone sex to help tide you over until you and your partner are reunited?
Lola Jean, a sex educator and mental health professional, tells Elite Daily that great phone sex is within your grasp (pun intended) if you take a few simple but oh-so-sexy steps to help up your game. Jean stresses that the key to great phone sex is about creating a full fantasy with your words. “Even though it’s called ‘phone sex,’ the majority of it isn’t the actual 'sex' part. The most well-crafted audio smut really paints a picture and has a build-up to the main event. Words are powerful. Well-crafted words can be orgasmic,” she explains. Sounds great. Here's how to take your phone sex experience to the next level.
The first step to having great phone sex is straightforward but essential: Make sure your partner is into it first. “Ask your person if they’re interested in getting a bit frisky on the phone. If they’re unsure as they’ve never done this before, ask them to try it out this once and see what they think,” says Jean. “This is a wonderful time to really hone in on your sexual communication in not only understanding each other but yourselves.”
Establishing some boundaries and parameters before engaging in phone sex is a great way to set yourself up for success. “Ask your person what they think of when they think of phone sex. Inquire about their expectations. What are they hesitant about, nervous about? What are they worried about? How do they want to feel at the end of this phone session?,” suggests Jean. It’s also a good idea to find out if there are any topics or words to steer clear of so you don’t risk killing the mood just when things are getting good. “Before you could rely on your non-verbal cues, but phone sex is solely verbal. By asking these questions you are relearning (and perhaps they are too) how to effectively communicate sexually with your person,” Jean says. “They may have not been aware or able to communicate this themselves, so by asking these questions you are circuiting your communication hotline!”
If this is the first time you and your partner are having phone sex, Jean says it's OK to be nervous — and to not even know what to do. In both cases, the key is to just be yourself. “Learning together is a shared experience. You don’t have to be a superhero all of the time and when you try to pretend you are someone else is often when you lose sight of the person in front of you — or in this case on the other end of the line,” she shares.
If you're not sure of what to say, Jean suggests using someone else's words to set the mood. “Try reading an excerpt of some dirty literature and see how your person reacts,” she says. From there, you can start asking more suggestive questions like: “I could do this… or this, you get to choose.” Or just let your imagination run wild. “Narrate what you wish they would do to you from your perspective, not what you think will turn them on. Tell them what you would be doing to them if you were there with them,” she suggests.
Also, never underestimate a well-placed pregnant pause. “Don’t think you have to talk all the time. Silence can be just as sexy as words and a well-placed silence can be everything,” Jean notes.
Great phone sex is ultimately about connecting and having fun with your partner. The rest, Jean says, will follow. “Take this as a new opportunity to find what arouses you via words, or the focus of how your body feels. Keywords: Be patient. You don’t have to be aroused immediately (or at all) the key factor is that you and your partner are having a good time,” she advises.
It also helps to keep an open mind and let your imagination be your guide. Jean does offer one last tip, and that's to experiment and try new things. For instance, you can play with the concept of control, even over the phone. “Hand over the reins and let your partner guide your touch, for added measure you can blindfold yourself and let someone else vocally guide where your hands go. This added barrier or difficulty can really up both your nonverbal and verbal cues,” she says.
“Phone sex can be a great way to not only stay connected with your partner but to connect in new or different ways,” Jean concludes, which is aspirational both in and out of the virtual bedroom. And as with so many things, when it comes to phone sex, practice makes perfect, so you might want to consider setting up a sexy phone date tonight.
Expert cited:
Lola Jean, sex educator and mental health professional
