Whether you sleep with a new boo on the first date, after getting married, or literally never — when it comes to sex, the only rule is consent. If you and your partner(s) are consenting adults, getting it on in whatever way feels right is right. And while your preferences are your own, it can sometimes be helpful to hear the experiences of others when finding what works best for you. From knowing how long to date before sleeping over to how often to sleep over — listening to friends, big sisters, or heck, even some sage strangers, can help in refining your own preferences.
Having sex is one thing, but sometimes, spending the night can totally be another. If you've stressed about navigating how many dates you should go on before sleeping over at a new boo's, you're not alone. Old ( and sexist and slut-shame-y) rhetoric often warns against sleeping over on the first date, whereas quippy internet-feminist T-shirts may tell us to "Be a slut! Do whatever you want!" But how do we know what we want? When it comes to finding the ins and outs of getting it on, speaking with others can often help you feel more supported in the sex that you're having.
I spoke with nine women about how long they choose to see someone before spending the night.