Functional relationships require several virtues: trust, patience, honesty, forgiveness. But forgiving your significant other isn't always the right move. Some things are just straight-up unforgivable. In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, seven women got super honest about times they forgave their exes for transgressions, only to wind up splitting with them in the long run anyway.
Not all of these women necessarily regret their decision to forgive their exes. Just because it didn't work out in the end doesn't mean they were wrong to choose forgiveness. And if they did choose to dump their exes on the spot when things started going wrong, there wouldn't be anything wrong with that, either. Relationships and breakups are personal, complicated, nuanced, and not always linear. The point is that these choices aren't as cut and dry as you might think — the "right" decision for you might look very different from the "right" decision for another person in your shoes.
Regardless of your current relationship status, you can learn a lot from hearing other people's stories about their love lives. Below, these seven stories about forgiveness might change how you view that virtue in your own love life.
Tried to forgive a cheater for a year. A very, very remorseful cheater. I don’t regret trying but I definitely regret having wasted a year I could have been healing. Years later apparently he’s still really sad about being a cheater. Not my problem.
My ex of 4 years had an emotional affair about 2 years into our relationship. He told me about it, we broke up for about 2 weeks, then I took him back but eventually left him 2 years later about 6 months after he proposed to me. I realized that I never loved him the same way after that affair because I couldn’t respect him as a lifelong partner. I wanted to believe it could work, but once trust is broken that way it is so incredibly hard to rebuild.
In several disagreements I had with his mother he always chose her side. Most of the time I wasn’t even asking him to pick a side but that didn’t matter. That’s his mommy and she’s always right. As you can imagine this brought the relationship to a boiling point. I finally made him choose between our daughter and I or his mother. He chose his mother.
Shared this in another thread, but it's relevant here too:My ex-boyfriend from college told me that I wasn't marriage material on Valentine's day, then begged me to forgive him less than 24 hours later. After six months had passed, I naively decided to give him another shot. He ended up cheating on me with a waitress at a restaurant he frequented.
Cheating on me while we were in a long distance relationship. Talking to other people a lot of other people when we were supposed to be exclusive. Staying with him after I found out he did it again because he "really likes pictures".It was pretty rocky and at times I get reminded of it and it makes me sad, but we have gotten through it. If it ever happened again, I would be long gone without any explanation. I deserve better than that and if it happens again than bye.
My ex gave me an ultimatum because I didn't want to find a job "his way", even though I told him I was taking a few months off after hearing my degree to help my very pregnant-with-twins sister, so he said I could do it his way or move out.Obviously did not work out, but it dragged out a few month after that and it was more and more toxic every day.
My ex lied to me about his job for 2 years. I looked like a fool when I uncovered the scheme. It was quite hard and even if I understand his motivations, it thook me another 2 years to forgive him truly and pass the break of trust. Still ended up splitting after 8 years.
Remember what I said earlier? These stories don't necessarily mean forgiving your partner is wrong. Follow your gut and do what you want. There's no right or wrong when it comes to matters of the heart.
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