This Is The One Thing Experts Recommend When It Comes To Truly Forgetting Your Ex

by Christy Piña

The post-breakup phases you'll most likely go through after your relationship ends are probably going to be pretty emotional, and at times, a little tear-jerking. But as the dust begins to settle, and you start shifting into acceptance and trying to move on from your ex, you may find it tricky if you still have some unresolved feelings about how things ended. According to experts, the best way to forget an ex is to go no-contact, but that can be one of the most difficult things to do, especially if you and your ex were consistently talking every single hour of your relationship.

What does no-contact mean exactly? Does it mean you should unfollow them across social media, delete their number, and block them? Not necessarily. "No calling, texting, emailing, or checking their social media," Trina Leckie, breakup coach and host of the breakup BOOST podcast, tells Elite Daily. "The more out of sight they are, the sooner they will be out of your mind. If you stay in contact or if you are always checking up on them, they will constantly be top of mind. You need adequate time apart to regain control of your emotions and get clarity as to why the breakup had to happen." If it takes blocking them on social media to get them out of your mind, then so be it.

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One of the main reasons going no-contact with your ex is so difficult is because for how ever long you two were together, talking every day probably became a habit. "The vast majority of people use love as a drug," Monica Parikh, dating and relationships coach at School of Love NYC, wrote on her site. "They get 'high' from an external source — another person’s presence and approval. The withdrawal from that feeling (and the fear that they may not know how to be happy on their own) can be terrifying." During your period of no-contact (60 days minimum), "you will feel sad," she said. "You will grieve. But, you will also regain strength, self-esteem, confidence, and empowerment."

The end of a relationship often comes with a lot more free time. You can use that time to develop skills that may give you a greater chance of success down the line, with or without your ex, Parikh said. "No-contact is a good time to develop better boundaries and increase your self-esteem," she wrote. "Abandon dysfunctional behaviors learned in childhood. When you assess where you misstepped — and correct those behaviors — you have a much better probability of success the next time around."

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Going no-contact with your ex can be a little reminder that the one person you will always have in your life is yourself. It can help you see that it's your own job to make yourself happy. "You also differentiate between wanting a partner and needing one," Parikh said. "Share the journey with someone who 'gets it.' A strong teammate will fortify your flagging spirits when the struggle is real."

According to Parikh, in order to be able to forget your ex, "you want to get to the place where you’re able to say, 'With or without you, my life is going to be amazing.'" And going no-contact can help you get to that point. Your life will be amazing, even without your ex in it. Remember that!