Experts Reveal The Biggest Problem With Believing In Soulmates & It's Not What You Think

by Ginny Hogan

Do you believe in finding a soulmate? A perfect person who will come fix your entire life, including the leaky sink in your kitchen? Believing in soulmates can be comforting (although always remember that plumbers are available for hire), but it can also sometimes cause problems in relationships — such as having unattainable standards or being unwilling to settle down. I wanted to know the biggest problem with believing in soulmates, so I reached out to relationship experts for the answer. They said that the biggest problem with believing in soulmates is not the belief itself, but how you act with that belief in mind. So believing in soulmates is totally fine, as long as you don't let your perception of what a soulmate is negatively affect your relationship.

Believing in soulmates can become a problem if you expect your relationship to be too easy. "If the belief is that soulmates are defined by perfect compatibility, lifelong passion and ease of connection for the entirety of the relationship, then finding that soulmate may be difficult," Dr. Joshua Klapow, Clinical Psychologist and Host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, tells Elite Daily. Relationships take work, and it might be unrealistic to expect to never fight with a partner. If your relationship is difficult and you would like to end it, then that's completely up to you, soulmates or not. But there are plenty of healthy relationships that go through rocky periods. It's fine to believe in soulmates, just as long as you don't give up on that belief the moment you and your partner have one argument.

Sonya Khegay/Stocksy

You might also miss out on great connections if you believe you're destined to find your soulmate. "If your belief is that soulmates are 'known' at first sight, you may miss your soulmate as sometimes soulmates are discovered over time," Dr. Klapow says. Of course, not everyone who believes in soulmates believes in love at first sight, but just make sure your hunt for the perfect person isn't closing you off to wonderful people right in front of you. Additionally, if someone holds on too closely to the idea of soulmates, they might lose hope while dating. "It gives the false sense that there is only one person for us," Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Nicole Richardson tells Elite Daily. If you are waiting for a very specific first impression, it may never come, but you could learn someone is perfect for you after knowing them for a while.

Believing in soulmates can also cause you to doubt a healthy relationship. "Soulmates has such a magical feel to it that it is easy to doubt your partner is your soulmate when the feelings aren’t right at the moment," Dr. Klapow says. "However, if you feel connected to them, like you were meant to be together then even when you don’t feel that way, you can harken back and remind yourself, frankly, that you are indeed soulmates." Don't let your belief in soulmates affect how you feel about your partner on a minute-by-minute basis — just because you don't feel a spark every second of the day, doesn't mean your partner isn't the right person for you. That's not to say you shouldn't leave a relationship that doesn't feel right to you, it just means you should have realistic standards about what to expect. Can you imagine how exhausting it would be to feel "passionately in love" at every moment? You'd never have time to brush your teeth or watch TV or do other important life things.

Victor Torres/Stocksy

Believing in soulmates can bring comfort to many people. After all, it's the warm hope that you're destined to meet the perfect person, and who doesn't want that? If you believe in soulmates, that's totally fine — the only problem can arise when you let that belief affect your relationship negatively. Not believing in soulmates is also completely OK — you can have an extremely happy relationship even if you believe that there are many right people out there for all of us. But if you stay realistic about the work it takes to maintain a relationship, then you just might find, belief in soulmates or not, having a great relationship is magical.