If you've turned on the radio at all in 2020, you've probably heard Billie Eilish's "Everything I Wanted." The hauntingly beautiful ballad is already shaping up to be one of the biggest songs of the year, but the process of making the song actually proved to be a challenging one, resulting in an argument between Eilish and her brother. Billie Eilish and Finneas' fight over "Everything I Wanted" was for a heartbreaking reason.
"Everything I Wanted" is the ultimate sad song, but, apparently, it was almost too sad for Finneas. Seeing as the song took inspiration from Eilish's own darkest moments, producing the track became difficult for her brother. In her March 2020 profile with The New York Times Magazine, Eilish recalled the conflict the song caused them.
"We had this big argument,” Billie said, explaining how Finneas felt increasingly uncomfortable while producing the track, and eventually refused to go any further.
“Because I admitted something that I was... It wasn’t a physical thing I was admitting. I don’t know how to put it without actually saying it, and I don’t want to actually say it. But it was me admitting to something that was very serious about my depression. A very serious step that I was admitting that I was planning on taking," she said. "And Finneas said, I don’t want to write a song about you killing yourself and how that’s everything you wanted!”
Ultimately, Eilish's parents caught wind of the argument and, just like Finneas, grew “insanely concerned,” she said.
In the interview, Eilish also said that although the argument never got fully resolved, she is proud of always speaking her truth in her music.
“He wanted to make songs that resolve in the end. I was like: ‘But Finneas, that’s not how things work in life. And I’m not going to lie in a song and talk about how I’m feeling good when I’m not,” she said.
Thankfully, Eilish is "in a much better place" these days according to the interview, and has taken steps to make life as a touring artist better for herself. She revealed that in addition to seeing a therapist, she often flies friends out to see her on the road.
Most importantly, Eilish said she feels better in her own skin as she gets older, thanks to “things feeling more in your control, just your brain maturing and your mood changing.”
At the end of the day, Eilish and Finneas' fight was rooted in love, and he just wanted to see his sister do what she does best — make beautiful music — but have her be happy doing it.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741. You can also reach out to the Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860 or the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386, or to your local suicide crisis center.